Friday, March 5, 2010

Deviant

"Angels and Devils" by M.C. Escher

Hush. Can you hear me? I just want to get close to you. I just want to know you. I just want to be your friend. I just want to comfort you. I just want to come inside. I just want to see you. I just want to know who you really are. I just want to be inside your world. I just want to sit in your chair and read your book. I just want to drink your tea from your cup. I just want to drive your car. I just want to think your thoughts. I just want to write with your pen in your notebook. I just want to eat your chocolate. I just want to bathe in your bathtub. I just want to sleep on your sheets. I just want to cover my body with your perfume. I just want to wear your bra and your panties. I just want to touch you. I just want to know how your skin feels. I just want to inhale your scent. I just want to breathe on the soft down of your back and make it tremble. I just want to caress your stomach with my lips. You know it’s me ringing the doorbell. You know it’s me standing outside in the rain. See what I suffer for you? You know it’s me. I know you can see me. I can see you, too. I can see your shadow behind your marbled glass door. I can see you standing there, not wanting to let me in. Open the door so you can see my hair. I styled it like yours. Open the door so you can see my clothes. They’re yours. Open the door so you can see the scarf I have wrapped around my neck. It’s yours. Open the door so you can see my smile. It’s yours. Open the door so you can hear my voice, my laugh. They’re yours. And I’m yours, too. I just want to be with you. I just want to be you… I mean, I just want to comfort you. I just want to hold you. I just want to suck you in. I just want to suck you. Yes. I just want to lick you. I just want your face, your mouth, your skin. I just want to know what you look like when you sleep. I just want to know what you smell like when you wake up. I just want your smile on my lips and your teeth in my mouth. I just want your diamond on my finger. I just want to peel that scab off your right shoulder and taste its brassiness. Who hurt you there? Who scratched you and made you bleed? Open the door. I just want to comfort you. I just want to come inside and never go out. Open the door so you can see me. See? Here is your hair. Do you like you on me? And see? Here is your smile. Do you like you on me? Do you see how I love you? I know you do. I just want you to know true love. You want it, right? I know you do. Here, let me show you. I just want to map the creases in your armpit with my tongue. I just want to suck your nipples. I just want to suck them and watch them change color from my kisses. I just want to poke my finger inside your bellybutton and pull out your guts. I just want to slide my tongue over your legs. I just want to smell between your toes. I just want to press myself against you. You know I can’t fuck you. I just want to touch you, down there. I just want to feel your body against my body. I just want to feel your cunt on my cunt. Did that word make you flinch? I just want to be delicate like you. What do you call it, down there? I just want to use your word. I just want to taste you. I just want to swallow you in. I just want to feel you throb. I just want to hear you scream. I just want to have your life. I just want you to disappear. I just want to be your woman. I just want you to disappear. I just want to be his woman. I just want you to disappear. I love you. I just want you to disappear. I hate you. I just want you to disappear. Here, let me show you. Just stay still and you won’t feel a thing. See? There. There. There. I just want to be your woman. I just want to be his woman. I just want to be you. I mean, I just want to… I just want… I just want to be you. This is my house. This is my car. This is my man. This is my watch. These are my glasses. This is my pen. This is my bra. These are my panties. This is my ring. There. There. There. See?

53 comments:

  1. Wow... the power, the intensity, the intimacy, the... I just can't find the right words.

    Wow.

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  2. Wow was going to be my word too..powerful painting of words here!

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  3. That is the living devil of seduction, trying to take the husband away. She is so strong, she is so intense, she will get to him.

    Nevine, you are one of the Masters in the world of literature. This is powerful and it grips me, almost makes me nervous!

    Secretia

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  4. i couldn't avoid . It made me remember a part of the Bible wroten : "and the man will get united to his woman and both will be just one flesh .
    this is what all we want , right ? with passion , love , comitimment .
    this hug do strong that or you get inside her/him or you both breack the ribs :)

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  5. See? I just see YOU
    That's love.
    Self love > the best!

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  6. Well done Ms. Nevine. Very powerful and on the weird edge of creepy. But, in the end, a vivid inner monologue of a type we all know well and, perhaps, at times ourselves. Bravo!

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  7. One of the most powerful pieces I've read in a hell of a long time. More than just creepy. Nightmarish and filled with insatiable evil and lust. The final sentences cause my skin to peel away from my bones. Damn, you're good.

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  8. Damn, that is creepy-
    excellent mind twisting.

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  9. Neveeen, OH! There can be no "response" to your words here--only a continuation in thought-language. I'm finding it IMPOSSIBLE to make my words melt into those thoughts...although YOU are endowed with that talent.

    You ARE the hierarch of erotic profoundness, a giver in the truest sense. And I...well, I am one of those very fortunate receivers of your gift of mysterious mastery.

    PEACE

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  10. You were walking the fine line between desire and creepiness until at the end it turned into something psychotic. I loved the ride, it was absorbing.

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  11. P.S. I'm really enjoying Anna Karenina. Great book so far.

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  12. what a thrill ride...reminds me of that movie, single white female.....brilliantly done my friend as always;)

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  13. Holy holy freaken mother clucking god, i have the shivers. HOly holy holy, Nevine. HOly holy, would you and i have something to talk about!

    THIS! Holy, holy.

    xo
    erin

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  14. Angel or Devil?? T's very surprising, and weird, and so absorbing and almost disturbing! i've the shivers too. You're a great writer Nevine.

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  15. ok, dear nevine! just from WHERE are you getting my notes from my own life???!!!! ;)

    that's a street hard to walk, lady - a dark shadowy street - well, when it's not blazing in .....i digress!

    fabulous, nevine!!! fabulous!

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  16. Bard – I am truly floored by your “Wow.” Thank you so much.

    Invisible Seductress – Thank you and welcome! I do hope you will be a frequent visitor.

    Secretia – Like I always say, we all have our own perspectives. And yours is very welcome. And your comment is so sweet it just flipped me inside out.

    Caio – Ah, yes! But then there are other forms of flesh, Caio. And there are other things besides commitment and all that. There are other scary things…

    Dulce – You are one amazing woman, you know that? We’ve had this discussion before. I write something and you read something else. And I just love it. If self-love is what this is all about for you, then so be it, Sweetest!

    Gerry – Weird and creepy are just about right. And an inner monologue is always a possibility. Those types are out there, sometimes, like you said, hiding inside ourselves. And those types are out there, sometimes disguised as the closest people to you.

    Wiredwriter – I’m so happy you had that reaction to it. That’s exactly the sort of reaction I was hoping to elicit. And coming from a great writer of uncomfortable subjects yourself, I am entirely flattered. Thank you.

    Erin Cole – Welcome! And thank you, Erin.

    Steve – I see you have the phonetics right on the pronunciation of my name. Yahoo! And the erotic here is definitely present, though leaning on the edge of yucky, at least for me. Imagine that I am disgusted with something I’ve created. Thanks for your always kind comments, Steve.

    Christopher – Ah, psychotic! Bingo! And thank you. Glad you’re liking Anna Karenina.

    Steven – I’ll have to look up that movie… sounds interesting.

    Erin – Maybe we should get together and talk! Sounds like there’s something brewing…

    Maryh – There are so many devils that pose as angels in our lives. And that’s the most disturbing truth of all. Thank you, Maryh, for your comments. I’ll just smile that you were a bit disturbed by this… as was intended!

    Jenean – A street hard and dangerous and lonely to walk. And maybe, one day, if we should meet, we’ll have some notes to share. It appears we’ll have some books of notes, rather. ;-)

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  17. You make me smile....Nephretiti is smiling too, ....i love the pitch of the music in here!!!
    Getting more and more bolder, duskier and free.

    But i guess...the truth is there are no gender to these things....
    And its interesting to revendicate it.

    Although personally i stick to my gender identity in these matters ;-)....

    What i love about your writings is 'you dare'....even if 'madness' be the price of freedom.
    Write madly and freely, wave your wand....delirious,Deliriums....in the condiments you use is a flavour like no other....and i see that you have a cupboard full of them neatly bottled.

    How unique is your cookbook!
    You have invited Eros at your dining table....and i m sure the luscious banquet through which you display your skills is going to make Eros crawl on his knees.


    I find this magic in the library of your thoughts....with so many unexpected surprises concealed in its dark shelves, gleaming teeth snapping to bite of my ears so that i can hear the unheard forbidden husky voices.

    i m mad myself thats why i m here! Lol!

    Well Nevine you know that i love each of your post......thankyou for this one!

    Col

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  18. hmmm... dementia I would say. reminds me of Saramago's double.

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  19. Excellent! The way you used the dense cramped feel of the huge block paragraph to accent the disturbing nature of the words... It worked so well.

    This is a great piece about jealousy and identity and greed. What was fabulous was that we learned so much about the speaker without knowing anything about her. What I mean is, she said nothing about herself and yet her mental issues came out loud and clear.

    The biggest visual for me was when she was at the door, waiting for the other woman to open the door and see how she looked just like her, with the same hair and clothes and bra. *shudder* What a nightmare.

    Jai

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  20. This was an intensely beautiful and scary ride. I am new to your blog...but will be back for more.

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  21. I'll never again see womem as I used to!

    That was brilliant but how terribly CREEPY!
    Brrrrrrr!!!!

    I just feel like I was coming out of a cinema after watching a horror film, which happened only once in my life! And it was a soft horror film too, "Carrie"! But I was 18 and I was very sensitive, and I still am!

    ***bsiosu étoélsi*******

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  22. I know where the time went...

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  23. Powerful writing Nevine. The struggle to remain faithful to our true selves is one most people will recognise. Trying to align our identities, as they shift through levels of consciousness, is often more than a struggle.

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  24. wow, this is beyond brilliant. you've so perfectly climbed into the mind of a psychopathic stalker....

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  25. COL – I don’t think there’s any gender separation to stalking in general, if that’s what you meant. And yes, I do dare... finally. ;-) You know, sometimes, certain things need to be said, and written in a certain way. There’s no other way to describe something that’s ugly except just as it is. Sometimes I go back and read what I’ve written and say to myself, “Do I really want to put that out there?” But then I just hit the “Publish” button and it’s done. So thank you for the encouragement. I need it from time to time. :-)

    Khulud – I think stalkers suffer from a complication of issues, and for some, dementia is definitely up there. And Saramago’s “The Double” is such a masterpiece, isn’t it? You’ve just reminded me…

    Jai – You certainly have the eye of a writer. And “identity” is the key word, yes. Sometimes, when people slip into “activities” like stalking others and becoming obsessed with them, it is because they have identity and self-esteem issues. When we feel comfortable in our own skin, it seems almost ridiculous that we should go out and obsess over another person’s every detail. Thanks for the info on the visual… I appreciate it.

    In the blue hour – Welcome to my blog! And thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you will be a frequent visitor.

    Crémilde – Women… we are a strange lot, aren’t we? But the creepy women are out there, and sometimes right there. And when they’re creepy, they can be more creepy than creepy men… And I remember watching “Carrie” and enjoying it. But I’m a big Stephen King fan, at least of his older works, and they’ve made some good movies based on his older works. One day, Crémilde, when I come to visit you in Metz, we’ll go watch some horror films together. Or maybe I’ll bring some of my favorites along. There are horror films and there are horror films. So many to enjoy! Merci pour les bisous étoilés, mon amie. Et gros gros gros bisous à toi!

    Larry – “I know where the time went” Hmmm… I’m not quite sure what you meant by that.

    Martin – Identity issues can be very rocky. Some people never quite resolve those issues or come to find true comfort with themselves. Different people have different reactions to poor self-esteem and identity crises. And some feel like they have no avenue but to try and become another, and that becomes their life’s obsession and mission. Sad but true. And inevitably, this comes with tragic results for everyone involved.

    Shadow – Well, I tried… so thanks for the reassurance. :-)

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  26. Awesome piece once again Nevine!
    I so much loved it that I fall short of words...:)
    How well was everything connected.
    It looked as though it was a long story but when I gave it a read it turned out to be something else and I liked it for whatever it was.

    Cheers

    Nuts

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  27. Wow! That was creepy and disturbing and SERIOUSLY GREAT! The artwork you chose to illustrate this piece with also suits it perfectly.

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  28. Well, it started kind of nice, but then when you got to "I just want to sit in your chair and read your book". I'm thinking Okay.
    And then you really start getting freaky here. Now you're creeping me out.
    Wow.
    Lee

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  29. DEVIANT: Just like the personality in that piece.

    I had to reread the piece to fathom it. It did give me the creeps.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  30. The piece moves so smoothly from one stage to the other, that you have to be very attentive otherwise you end up having the wrong thought. Or is there a wrong thought with a text like this?

    I'm thinking obsession mixed with love. Then again, isn't obsession love gone wrong, to the extreme? For some reason, it reminded me of 'Single White Female Seeks...

    'I just want to wear your bra and your panties'.

    Very intense and passionate.

    Greetings from London.

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  31. Incantational. The use of the block form suggestive of a delivery where the breath is held for as long as possible. Already powerful on the written page, one can only imagine the intensity if recited.

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  32. I love this,Nevine, I agree with those commented that this one is between desire and creepiness!Awesome and brillant, as usual!
    Have a great weekend!:o)
    Betty xx

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  33. Nevine I could kiss you....


    this was breath taking...

    I want to breathe the air you breath,...

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  34. Wow Nevine. That was one of the most powerful things I have read in quite some time. The intensity, the obsession, the spiral to near insanity. That was amazing, I bow down to you.

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  35. Being stalked is about the freakiest thing that can happen isn't it? You did an excellent job of getting inside the mind and also analyzing the mind of the stalker in this piece. 'I just want' gives me the shudders. Weird how a friendship starts out as a friendship, and then this wanting begins to appear and before you know it someone is behaving as if they are consumed with the idea of you, and it is just not any fun at all.

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  36. Nipun – Thank you; you’re always so kind. I take it you don’t like long stories? No, this wasn’t really a long read, and I’m very pleased that you liked it.

    Felicitas – I so truly appreciate the “SERIOUSLY GREAT”. I also appreciate the “creepy and disturbing”. And Escher’s “Angels and Devils” just slipped into my head as I was writing this. Thank you so much for your very nice comment.

    Lee – Sorry to have creeped you out. The most creepy thing, I think, is that people like that actually exist in the real world. Now how creepy is that? And thank you so kindly for the “Wow.”

    Susan – I think the block paragraph makes for a bit of challenging reading. But I’m happy you reread it, and can I say I’m happy you got the creeps? It means I did something right. And, if you didn’t get the creeps, Susan, I would wonder… ;-)

    Cuban – Well, I thought it was all pretty straightforward until I started reading some of the comments. I’m always amazed at the variety of interpretations people come up with. And this piece was no exception. By my book, however, obsession mixed with love was just what I was thinking. And like you said, obsession is love gone wrong. Yes, most definitely!

    Judith – I think I would blush if I had to recite this piece. I don’t think I could get together the guts. It took quite some guts for me to put it out there, just in written form. But your comment, and the comments of others, make me feel like it was the right move. Thank you, Judith.

    Betty – You are awesome. And thank you for your always seriously sweet comments.

    Sir Thomas – Thank you for your truly nice comment. :-)

    Eva – And I bow down to you every time I read something you’ve written. I really appreciate your comment, Eva. Thank you.

    Cat – You’re absolutely right. And I think the scariest part is that most people enter friendships with good intentions. But somewhere along the way, one gets sidetracked by the details of the other, and then obsessed with those details. And that’s where it can actually get to be dangerous.

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  37. Dear Nevine:

    Don't know your email so I thought could wish you here.

    As a new year is born for you, may joy always warm your heart, soul and mind.

    I am glad that I met the wordsmith through this medium.

    Love always,
    Susan

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  38. I liked the relentless pace of this one, helped by the short sentences. Very intense, as others have said, but there's an underlying air of rationality that is rather disturbing.

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  39. Just arrived on your blog and was hooked from the first line of that post ....

    wow indeed

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  40. Nevine dear,
    just wanted to wish both of us on this special day a year full of life's small delights, lots of love and, most important what we both share - lots and lots of pleasure from writing!
    salam and hugs from the other side of the world!
    khulud

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  41. Akasha - I hope that's the good kind of speechless, but I do see your smiley face. :-)

    Susan - How did you know? I'm so touched by this sweet message from you. I was away yesterday and came back to this wonderful smile from your heart. Thank you so very much, Susan. I'm truly touched!

    Mme. DeFarge - There is actually a great deal of rational thought that exists inside the mind of a stalker. They tend to be meticulous thinkers and planners, and this is very unfortunate for the usually oblivious victim.

    Rabbi Lars - Got that right!

    Jonas - I'm happy you enjoyed it, and look forward to your future visits.

    Khulud - How sweet you are! Best wishes to both of us, indeed! I hope we both break through with our writing... if not by becoming published, then at least, like you said, by getting more and more pleasure out of what we write. Happy Birthday, twin (though younger by how many years?) at My True Side of the World. Hugs!

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  42. ohhh... i would never know ... i am very unexperient about all that :)
    thanks !!
    kisses !

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  43. Off the topic completely, but shouldn't be your birthday around these days? You share my daughter's Zodiacal sign, Pisces, and her birthday is this coming Sunday. Just in case I've missed it, happy birthday! :-)

    Greetings from London.

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  44. Caio - You are the sweetest! Kisses back at you.

    Cuban - You are so kind to ask. And thank you for the kind wish. My birthday was yesterday. I went to sleep 38 and woke up 39... just like that. And I feel grand about it. Although, I do have to admit that I get antsy with 9 being the last digit. Right now, I can't wait until I hit 40. Sounds crazy for a woman to want to get older, right? He he he... I know; I'm crazy like that. And I wish your daughter a Very Happy Birthday, too. Does she sleep with the stars behind her eyes and dream and see the world through rose-colored shades like I do? I can't imagine a Pisces who doesn't! ;-) Thank you so much for stopping in, Cuban. It means a lot to me.

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  45. Don't have Email address...Soooo:

    Yep, me...HAPPY and free when on the scooter!

    PEACE!

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  46. Steve - Your joy is infectious!

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  47. A beautiful poetic journey into eternity...
    Joyous, positive, forever!

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  48. Smita, thank you for your kind words.

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  49. Wow-- she is really broken, isn't she? I have just one word: boundaries.
    ;)

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  50. And my word verification was "healify"-- LOL!

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  51. Maybe you won't see this but i just need to tell you that you're a great writer.

    For some weird reasons, reading this with Conquistador playing in the background made it all came alive.

    Thanks for sharing, appreciated. I will be dropping by more often:)

    :)

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  52. Zachary - Hello, and thank you. What a lovely comment! I'm happy to hear you enjoy my writing, and I do hope you will become a familiar face around here. Thanks for stopping in. Visits are always welcome.

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Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.