Thursday, July 29, 2010

Year One


It has been one year, to the day, since I launched Dreams, Deliriums, and Other Mind Talk. But… here… I am bending the truth. The truth is that I created this blog sometime in early June of 2009, and then, on the same day, I deleted it. After the fact, I didn’t think about it much. I hadn’t thought about it much when I had created the blog, after all. I had just gone to the “Create Blog” link, hit the button, and gone with it. But that is not how I like to do things. I am organized. I like things to be clean. And orderly. And perfect. Yes, it is rather obsessive-compulsive, isn’t it? But it is what it is, and who’s my judge?

Several weeks later, having just returned from a trip to Cairo, I was downloading photos of our trip to my computer when I remembered. Maybe it was the fact of sitting at the computer after I had not touched a keyboard in weeks that triggered my memory? Maybe it was looking at the photos as I was downloading them and remembering the places… and the events… and feeling like I wanted to write about them? I don’t really know. But then and there I signed in and brought the blog back to life.

Notice how I’m saying “… the blog…” and not “… my blog." That was how I felt about it. Actually, I felt nothing. And it was uncomfortable because… I wanted to feel something. I wanted to make it “My Blog.” And I realized that the only way I could make it mine was by making it mine. So, I scribbled out some sentences… some random and unconnected thoughts about me and writing and such, I attached a dorky photo of myself, and I hit the “Publish” button. And then I sat there with my head in my hand and said to myself, “Now what the hell did I do that for?” Of course, I could’ve just deleted that post and deleted the blog again and none would have been the wiser. But the thing was… after I published that first post, “The Blog” was now “My Blog.”  And there was no undoing that.

Over the next few weeks, I worked on direction… on establishing a purpose for this new beast I had created. What am I doing here? was the question I asked myself every time I visited my blog. And I knew I had to find the answer. Do you see that text in my sidebar, right under my profile, where it says, “… and this is what I’m doing here?” I wrote those lines shortly after I launched my blog because I needed to know what I was doing here. And I have kept them because I need the reminder… every once in a while.

There is an awesome and indescribable sense of power that comes with creating. Everyone likes to create different things and in different ways. When we create, we feel like we have purpose. And those things we create involuntarily are not quite as rewarding as those things we create of our own free will. I have always enjoyed dreaming my own stories. I have always been my own little Scheherazade. But Scheherazade had an audience… even if he was an insufferable brute who had his sword ready to pounce upon her neck unless she kept him entertained with her nocturnal tales. I wanted an audience, too.

I like to play this game… with friends and family, both. I like to say, “Imagine this…,” and then to tell a story. In this day and age, though, there is an evolution in the oral tradition… and in the written one, as well. There is the internet, with the endless possibilities it has to offer, not only to writers, but to everyone. And though I am a bit old-fashioned about my writing habits, I thought it would be quite cool if I stepped into the 21st Century, already! Now, don’t go looking for me on Facebook or Twitter or MySpace or any of those other social networking sites, because you will not find me there – maybe other Nevine Sultans, but not this one! I am actually quite archaic in my opinions about joining those ranks, and that is not going anywhere any time soon. But with My Blog I can remain humble and still, quite discreet, don’t you think? Even if I’ve got my name right there in capital letters at the top of the page? I think so. So, here I have been for one year, and here I will stay….

And I have to say, it has been a beautiful year. I am sitting here typing this while listening to the incomparable Vladimir Horowitz pound out the Allegro Brillante from Schumann's Sonata No. 3, and I am smiling, and this after I had my initial few days of, How do these blog things work? Does anyone know I exist? Did anyone read what I wrote a week ago... while maybe not wanting to leave a comment... possibly? Familiar, yeah? But then things picked up, and I started to have an audience, after all. So, a huge thank you to all of you who read me and share your thoughts... and to all of you who read me and don’t share your thoughts. I know there are silent readers… and I appreciate your presence… and I respect your wish to remain silent. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my blogging experience the huge thrill it has been... and is! I mean, I might still be blogging if I didn’t have readers, but what the hell would that be like? So smack or muah or whatever else you like to call them (those are kisses, by the way) to all of you! As Eric Cartman of South Park says, "I love you guys!"




41 comments:

  1. I'm so glad you're here. I would miss you, were you not. And I'm glad to number myself among your audience.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh! Nevine, I felt as if you were sitting there and speaking this just to me. It seems very personal and at the same time quite universal.
    What more can I say. I am so happy that you started this wee place that day in June and chose to stay. When there are many who start but don't remain, you are there and that makes all the difference.

    Now when I think back of all the narratives I have read here, it seems like yesterday. A long journey, isn't it and I am happy happy.

    Happy blog anniversary dearest Nevine.

    More joy, passion and love always,
    Susan

    ReplyDelete
  3. YOU..you there,you know,i just whipped one tiny tear of my cheek..you know how emotional we get when touched! your words touched me Nevine,i am so happy we connected and i do relate to what you said,for i left blogging for a while and then got back,having you around is so wonderful that i look forward to reading you ..it hasn't been long,but it already seems long enough to me to call you a dear friend..:)
    thank you for this post,the smiles that followed the tear and the hugs your lines delivered to my heart and all your readers' we love you too Nevine..:)

    Abeer

    ReplyDelete
  4. One of the biggest thrills of my day is when you post and I get to visit...so thank you my friend for starting this most delightful, inspiring blog

    hugs

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nobody is your judge or could they ever be. I so glad that day when you sat behind your PC you decided to bring it to life as it sparked me too..

    And make no mistake it is your blog and so beautiful and one of a kind. I didn’t care what you were doing at the time as all I knew was that it was doing something for me.

    Purpose and power and dreams and you drew me in, but I came in freely. Now a full year has gone by and you are just as beautiful as the first time I saw your spirit.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Darling...I felt each word you wrote, had this sweet lump on my throat and kept that tear for your next piece and when we meet. I don't know how i landed on your blog but i believe some unseen force brought me to you because it was just meant to be. Since then it's been a joy every time i read you and when you come over to my sanctuary. I almost feel guilty of what would happen if i wasn't able to be online and enjoy your written word here or there. I think it's safe to say i admire you and adore you and wish we'll be closer always my sweet delight. Am around whenever you need me just whisper.

    I do promise that we'll meet sometime God willing in SA or wherever but we will :)

    With much love~
    Wild Rose

    ReplyDelete
  7. Your writing never disappoints, Nevine. You have a true gift with words, and I'm so glad you're here to stay.

    You won't find me on Facebook or Twitter either. Blogging is the ideal social network for me, for all the reasons you describe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "What am I doing here?"

    It's the same thing I ask myself on an ongoing basis about my own blog. But I never ask that about yours. Here I find a voice that rings with pure tones and penetrates to the heart. Happy anniverary, Nevine.

    ReplyDelete
  9. And we love you, Nevine. Honestly and truly. Reading this, one can't help but feel the passion and sincerity of your beautiful soul, and I note that we share many similarities in the way we think, of others and ourselves, and I am honoured to say so. Your words are always a delight and a joy to read, you always express a profound and stirring philosophy and create pieces of writing and poetry that read with the most magnificent of flair, originality and elegance. Nevine, I am so happy that I have met you and experience your work. And long may it continue.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "it has been a beautiful year"
    Yes, yes and YES! And many thanks for having made it possible*

    And I'm happy to be back on time to say ¤*¤*¤*¤*¤*HAPPY ANNIVERSARY¤*¤*¤*¤*¤*¤*¤

    ***
    Gros smacks bien affectueux*******

    ReplyDelete
  11. i'm glad you are here. thank you for holding the space here sacred and sharing so willing with us.

    Namaste' and Happy BlogDay!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm so glad you created your blog. You have so many wonderful works of writing to share. I am never disappointed here.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nev- I barely get online anymore and like, never blog, but you'd be surprised how often I wonder how you are. You of purple hair don't twitter??? LOL take care~rick

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy Anniversary! It's quite an audience you have deservedly gained. Such support here. It must feel so amazing. You are welcome for reading and commenting. I thank you for writing.

    I know what you mean about feeling insecure about having a blog until you write something that you think you own. Something that you want to attach "my" to. It makes sense that your amazing vacation was that first permanent post for you -- a defining moment. Vacations are often full of discovery of self and surroundings. Writing a blog is a process of discovery too.

    Like you, I opened a blog account without thinking much about it -- I was mostly just intrigued by the prospect of having my writing easily accessible. Having an audience. My defining moment was in November of last year. I'd been sick for a few months and realized I had a lot to say about it. By creating my first post, I was accepting and admitting that my health problems were a significant part of my life and that they often consumed my thoughts.

    Because I felt so raw and moved by my experiences, it was easy for me to see they were writing material. I think your compulsion to write in this blog may be similar. You are conscious that: you are a writer; people want to read you and, most of all, you have something valuable to say.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy Anniversary to both you and your blog.
    I'm very happy that you are here.

    You already know how I feel about what I find here. I hope it continues for a long time. You are by far the most talented person I read. I mean that...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lou – And I’m so happy to have you here!

    Susan – Yes, it seems like just yesterday for me, too. But yet, when I think about it, it feels like that long journey. Funny how something can feel so vast and yet so small. I suppose it depends on which part of it we choose to focus on, at any given time. And you have been such a wonderful friend, Susan. You have such a playful and curious spirit, and I so enjoy being in your company.

    Abeer – It hasn’t been long, no. But I know that feeling you describe. And you, too, are a dear friend. I look forward to the growing friendship and the good times to come. I am happy to know you left here with smiles. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Steven – And I get a huge thrill when I see you here, too. Thank you, dear friend.

    Sir Thomas – What sweet words! You’ve really left me speechless, here. I don’t know what to say. I hope a simple “Thank You” will suffice.

    Wild Rose – You are so kind, and your sincerity just seeps through your words. It is such a joy to visit you, and to see you here as well. Your words always leave me smiling, and yes… we will meet at some point… if not by chance then we will make it happen! Much love back to you, Wild Rose.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Martin – It’s so reassuring to know I’m not the only one who feels the way I do about the whole social networking thing. I suppose it’s good that we found one aspect of it that was comfortable enough for us to want to explore. And it has been such a pleasure to communicate with you, Martin.

    Judy – I so appreciate your being here. You always have not only nice, but also constructive things to say about my work. I find honesty and keen observation in the comments you share. What more can one ask for?

    Trish and Rob – Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sam – You are so very sweet… always. And I can imagine that we do share many similarities. I am happy to know that you enjoy what you read here, Sam. I have the highest admiration for your creative ability, and your attention to detail is quite phenomenal. So thank you for that glowing comment!

    Cremilde – How wonderful to see you back! Hoping you enjoyed your time off… beside crystal waters and open sky. And thank you for stopping in and leaving your lovely stars. Gros smacks back to you, ma chère!

    Kim – Thank you for that “sacred.” That is how it feels for me. I appreciate it, Kim.

    Eva – Thank you for that. And I am never disappointed with your work, either… ever!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Rickeeeeeeeee – What on earth! Where have you been? Yes, I of purple hair do not twitter. There’s a difference between having purple hair and twittering, you know. I’ll take the purple hair over the tweets anytime. ;-) So good to see you here, Rick!

    Ashley – I so appreciate the time and thought you put into your feedback, and I’m sure you already know that. And it’s nice to know we share similar thoughts about the whole blogging process. Sometimes, we wonder, “Am I the only one who feels this way?” So it’s good to know that’s not the case. I think the best writing material comes when we write about things that are personal to us, or that we feel strongly about. It definitely makes for more honest writing, and I think the reader feels that and can relate, even if the experience described is not a familiar one. Thank you, Ashley, for your astute attention to detail, and for the time you put not only into your posts, but also into sharing your thoughts.

    Pat – Thank you! Wow… I feel like I’m floating on champagne bubbles. That’s so kind of you to say that, Pat. You know I have the highest admiration for both your writing and photographic ability.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh Nevine, WE love you! Happy 1 year anniversary!
    You know I felt exactly the same way and started out almost exactly as you did. It's an evolution of our own personal creation and it is daunting, yet joyful. It ends up being about so many things, shared with the silent and the not so silent ones. It is a place, a home for our words, our thoughts and beliefs, as well as, for new friendships. Those who do not blog don't really get it, but it is a community of creators and even though I am away much of the time, I always return and love doing so.

    It's all good!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I just discovered your blog, but let me be your 23rd commenter!

    So,
    you may don't know that, but you are one of those great spirits born in 1971, I guess it was March back then. Happy blog-birthday! Keep sharing! It's soothing! In case you don't know, the first e-mail was send back in 1971! The spring of that year was really a bridge to eternity. Hans Kristian Andersen would envy that spring's born!

    You see, all I need to know is your birth-date (Astrology, you know..) Let me be your judge. You are exquisite!

    ReplyDelete
  23. happy happy happy, dearest nevine! you know, time is such a fickle friend so to speak - and how she is measured, difficult to comprehend at times - for me, it seems i've always known you - always shared your thoughts and words and you mine - that we met in another time another place and none of that matters anyway - because you are here now sharing your beauty and spirit and light - for which i am more than grateful, dear friend - namaste' - jenean

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'm so excited reading this sweet post, my sweet friend, Nevin!
    I felt exactly the same way. What a coincidence! I created my blog in July of 2009 then deleted on the same day, thinking to myself..aww too much exposure of myself in a digital blogosphere.
    Then I started blogging again on August of 2009. Creating is the major reason I blog. It make me feel so happy!!

    I am so happy you started blogging. Your blog is absolutely awesome, your poems and thoughts are fascinating, and I have really enjoyed being blessed with having you as my friend and I love you!!
    SMOOTCHES and HUGS!!

    TTYL

    Betty xx Always.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am so glad that you decided to continue.. Happy 1st year and thanks for all those beautiful words..

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dear Scheherazade,
    Kisses and Applause and Bowings to You....
    Bonne Anniversaire à toi et ton Blog!!

    Thankyou, for the sumptuous banquet ' digne d'une Mille et une nuit'!

    Thankyou, for your audacious style.

    Thankyou, for grafting an authentic part of you to me in the name of frienship.

    And most of all thankyou for your rich, gentle, lovely human soul.


    An year has passed,....and it is only a begining....
    especially, for someone who is so profusely creative and fertile as the Nile....

    Your many secret initiations, fascinating adventures,mysteries, wisdom leave me spellbound.

    i celebrate you!
    i celebrate you!!....Poet, thriller maker, talented Writer with an exceptional nib, intoxicated with the ink of God and demons.

    Nevine,You are more than an encounter.

    Love to you!
    Col.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Calli – I agree with you entirely! We do need our breaks sometimes, but then we come back and it’s so refreshing to remember just what a wonderful group of people it is whose company we enjoy. So wonderful to see you back, Calli!

    Michelangelo 23 – What an intriguing user name you have! And yes, I do quite know that we are breezy spirits, all of us who were born in that year. Lovely of you to stop in for a visit… and thank you for the nice words, too.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Jenean – Oh, we have shared many a synchronicity, haven’t we? It has been a wonderful journey, and you have been one of those fine spirits… here since my early days. It’s so warming to be having these exchanges and these shared moments… and may they continue and continue.

    Betty – You are too sweet for words… and you always are. I think that for those of us who like to make our own imprint, this is the perfect medium… and how well you do it, too! And how creatively! It has been wonderful to have your friendship, Betty. I have enjoyed your many visits, and I can’t begin to tell you how I have enjoyed also visiting you. Here’s to the future of our continued friendship… and I love that word SMOOTCHES… so smootches back to you! And hugs as well! (((((Betty))))) :-)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Turquoise – And thank you for your visits… and your nice thoughts.

    COL – Merci à toi, mon ami. Tu es, comme toujours, gentil. I fear my audacious style might have brought me down a couple of times, but then, one has to be true to oneself, no? Your friendship has been unshakeable, and you have always been so supportive and encouraging. There are truly no words to express my full appreciation. Let me just say that with you being the writer that you are, it is my honor to have you visit me here. May our friendship continue to grow and flourish, and may you always remain the Craftsman of Light. Je t’embrasse très fort.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You really made me laugh with those muah/ smack and (that means... etc..)

    I love *your* blog .I have, ever since I found it. And I liked it so much I went down to your very first post, which I loved too - of course! For it talked about(now *my*)Sweet Nevine
    And it means so much to that you are here, that if you are not and when you have not, it's not been the same... to me and I guess that to a few others.But I am here only to speak for myself. I'd fall in love if I was one who liked 'shes'... But am not, yet somehow I've fallen in love with you through this blog of yours, where you put your heart, soul and beautiful mind.

    I also began a year ago (July 6th), am amazed now by all the things my blog has given to me, even pride and self esteem.
    I am addicted to it-as you must know.

    A few friends have told me they think it's not a good idea to show my feelings and thoughts out there to the whole world. I should not say this and that , my brother, my son...because it's as if you got naked in front of the audience, and there can be 'weird' people making an evil use of it... as if this was a social networking...

    And I thought , well somehow it is, a social network because anyone ,those who visit and stay and say muah and those who just read and go, have the possiblity to see into our lives...

    Is that good or bad?
    I don't know. What the heck I just love it- and <i love being able to come and read you Queen!

    ;)
    Sincere Hugs

    D.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Dulce - How good to see you, Sweetest! And how lovely are your words. It is as if we are sitting together and chatting. Your thoughts are so warm and warmly shared, and I can't begin to tell you how happy I was the day I saw your little bonbon smile avatar on my site. But we go beyond avatars, Dulce. And we can fall in love with "shes" in other ways, you know. ;-) But you and I both know, yes, that we can have these lovely friendships, even if we have never really seen one another. Your friendship has been like a rock, these past few months. You have made me smile... sometimes made me cry... with your words... and your mind that is always honest and off the cuff. How can I begin to describe what your presence here has meant for me? I just can't, Dulce. I hope that you will just know that you are truly in my heart... always. And hey, let those weirdos think and try to do what they will. For those of us who don't care to think about such things in the first place, their harmful gestures can never touch us. I'm happy to know you enjoy your place as much as I enjoy mine (but then I already know that). And I'm happy also to come and read you... always. And I'm about to jump over to your place, right now! I am so behind on my reading this weekend. Even when I'm on a break... there is no rest for the wicked, I suppose! ;-) Love you, Sweetest!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I am so glad you didn't decide to delete your blog a second time. I love coming here and reading your wonderful prose and poetry. I may not comment every time, but every time your writing moves me...sometimes to tears.

    Don't stop...

    ReplyDelete
  33. Akasha - Thank you for the encouragement, and for your always nice words. It's nice to know my writing can move you to tears... well, not that I'd want for you to cry. But truly, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Nevine, I want to thank you for continuing to share your beautiful and unique voice with all of us. Every time I read one of your pieces I am not only awed by your talent, but I learn. Your work is affecting my work. I am becoming better because of you.

    Writing has always been an outlet for me, but I haven't always been serious about poetry. That is changing now. This is why blogging is important. This is why Your Blog in particular is important.

    So, again, thank you: )

    ReplyDelete
  35. love ye too, nevine :)

    ...yes, your writing as well ;) lol

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dear Nevine,
    Am so late getting here, you've already done another post... but better late than never, eh ?

    Ah, the terrible trepidation of starting a blog... remember it well. The laying of oneself on the line, in the public eye, for better or worse, for whatever it might be worth, for wherever it may lead... the great unknown.

    All I can say is, the blogosphere is a far richer place for your presence... honestly so. I thank the lucky star that led me your way. What are the chances of finding another blog out of the millions of blogs out there ? Serendipity ? Fate ? Indeed, indeed, how we love your deliriums and dreams...

    Oh, and that photo is definitely NOT dorky. IMHO.
    :-)

    Thanks for being you Nevine... for no one else ever could be...

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm really glad you kept your blog! I am always so inspired by your writing.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Felicitas - I am so flattered by your comment. But more than flattered, I feel honored to know that my writing somehow helps. Your writing has always come across, to me, as pure and free of distractions. That is why I enjoy reading you so much. Thank you so much for letting me know your thoughts, Felicitas. You can't imagine how encouraging it is to read such words. And I wish you all the best in your experimenting with poetry. As far as I'm concerned, the possibilities are endless, and I know you will enjoy it all.

    LW - Thank you. You are always here, reading, and you always leave such kind thoughts. And I appreciate your honesty, too, LW.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Owen - There is no such thing as late. You know I've been late to your blog countless times. Life is happening at all times and blogging must sometimes wait, no? So, thank you for coming by... as you always do. You have been here since my early days, Owen. And you were one of the first to help remove that trepidation you speak of. Your thoughts are always probing and insightful, and I appreciate every one of them. And thank you for being so kind about the photo... I thought it was dorky, but oh well. I'll take your word that it isn't, then. Thank you, Owen, for everything. You are truly a gem.

    Menina - I'm happy to know I inspire anything in anyone, truly. And thank you for being here.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh yes, the relation with the Blog keeps oscillating between My Blog to The Blog.
    But on the whole if a person posts at least 2 posts per month, he/she is doing a good job.

    ReplyDelete

Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.