It has been one year, to the day, since I launched Dreams, Deliriums, and Other Mind Talk. But… here… I am bending the truth. The truth is that I created this blog sometime in early June of 2009, and then, on the same day, I deleted it. After the fact, I didn’t think about it much. I hadn’t thought about it much when I had created the blog, after all. I had just gone to the “Create Blog” link, hit the button, and gone with it. But that is not how I like to do things. I am organized. I like things to be clean. And orderly. And perfect. Yes, it is rather obsessive-compulsive, isn’t it? But it is what it is, and who’s my judge?
Several weeks later, having just returned from a trip to Cairo, I was downloading photos of our trip to my computer when I remembered. Maybe it was the fact of sitting at the computer after I had not touched a keyboard in weeks that triggered my memory? Maybe it was looking at the photos as I was downloading them and remembering the places… and the events… and feeling like I wanted to write about them? I don’t really know. But then and there I signed in and brought the blog back to life.
Notice how I’m saying “… the blog…” and not “… my blog." That was how I felt about it. Actually, I felt nothing. And it was uncomfortable because… I wanted to feel something. I wanted to make it “My Blog.” And I realized that the only way I could make it mine was by making it mine. So, I scribbled out some sentences… some random and unconnected thoughts about me and writing and such, I attached a dorky photo of myself, and I hit the “Publish” button. And then I sat there with my head in my hand and said to myself, “Now what the hell did I do that for?” Of course, I could’ve just deleted that post and deleted the blog again and none would have been the wiser. But the thing was… after I published that first post, “The Blog” was now “My Blog.” And there was no undoing that.
Over the next few weeks, I worked on direction… on establishing a purpose for this new beast I had created. What am I doing here? was the question I asked myself every time I visited my blog. And I knew I had to find the answer. Do you see that text in my sidebar, right under my profile, where it says, “… and this is what I’m doing here?” I wrote those lines shortly after I launched my blog because I needed to know what I was doing here. And I have kept them because I need the reminder… every once in a while.
There is an awesome and indescribable sense of power that comes with creating. Everyone likes to create different things and in different ways. When we create, we feel like we have purpose. And those things we create involuntarily are not quite as rewarding as those things we create of our own free will. I have always enjoyed dreaming my own stories. I have always been my own little Scheherazade. But Scheherazade had an audience… even if he was an insufferable brute who had his sword ready to pounce upon her neck unless she kept him entertained with her nocturnal tales. I wanted an audience, too.
I like to play this game… with friends and family, both. I like to say, “Imagine this…,” and then to tell a story. In this day and age, though, there is an evolution in the oral tradition… and in the written one, as well. There is the internet, with the endless possibilities it has to offer, not only to writers, but to everyone. And though I am a bit old-fashioned about my writing habits, I thought it would be quite cool if I stepped into the 21st Century, already! Now, don’t go looking for me on Facebook or Twitter or MySpace or any of those other social networking sites, because you will not find me there – maybe other Nevine Sultans, but not this one! I am actually quite archaic in my opinions about joining those ranks, and that is not going anywhere any time soon. But with My Blog I can remain humble and still, quite discreet, don’t you think? Even if I’ve got my name right there in capital letters at the top of the page? I think so. So, here I have been for one year, and here I will stay….
And I have to say, it has been a beautiful year. I am sitting here typing this while listening to the incomparable Vladimir Horowitz pound out the Allegro Brillante from Schumann's Sonata No. 3, and I am smiling, and this after I had my initial few days of, How do these blog things work? Does anyone know I exist? Did anyone read what I wrote a week ago... while maybe not wanting to leave a comment... possibly? Familiar, yeah? But then things picked up, and I started to have an audience, after all. So, a huge thank you to all of you who read me and share your thoughts... and to all of you who read me and don’t share your thoughts. I know there are silent readers… and I appreciate your presence… and I respect your wish to remain silent. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my blogging experience the huge thrill it has been... and is! I mean, I might still be blogging if I didn’t have readers, but what the hell would that be like? So smack or muah or whatever else you like to call them (those are kisses, by the way) to all of you! As Eric Cartman of South Park says, "I love you guys!"