Thursday, August 6, 2009

Open Thoughts to a Closed Mind

You don't recognize this man anymore, do you? Your high school sweetheart? Prom King and Queen? Remember? Father of the two apples of your eye? You're unhappy. Don't even try to deny it. The last time you did anything for yourself was... maybe two months ago? When you and your girlfriends went to the nail salon, that was it! Is this how indifferent you've become? Forget about the fact that you're a great soccer mom and all that crap. It isn't worth a hoot and you know it. Your life is a mess, girl.

Remember that game you used to play with Tom when you first got married? When you were always asking each other if you felt married? And you both always said, "No, we're still madly in love." That made you as happy as chocolate sprinkles on vanilla cake. Well, lately, he's been thinking before he speaks, hasn't he? And then, he has the gall to say yes. "Is it me, or is it the job?" you ask him. And then he thinks some more (maybe even a little longer than some more, so long you can almost see question marks floating around his head) before he tells you he thinks it might be the job. But you know it's you. He just won't tell you that because he doesn't have the guts.

He doesn't spend time with you. He doesn't even spend time with the kids. Whenever he's home, which is rare, he's always busy with something. It's either the lawn, or the barbecue grill, or the deck, or oh... the garage - let's not forget about the loads of crap he's always busy banging on in that garage. Like he's building a house or something! And what about that computer that he's almost attached to with a chain? When he says he's going to sit at the computer, you know you might as well forget about seeing him for the rest of the day. Take for example this morning - he was at the computer for two hours. Doing what? It's the weekend! Doesn't he spend enough time sitting at a computer during the week at work? But that wasn't all! 'Cause right after he got off the computer, he needed to run to the store real quick and grab something for that "project" he's working on in the garage. So, just to try and keep the family together on the weekend, you say, "Well, why don't we all go out? Wyatt and Natalie, go put some shoes on." But you don't look at him because you know he's probably rolling his eyes like a kid. You're so in denial! So you go out. And everything is peachy until you're on your way home - he starts an argument. And you're sitting there with your jaw in your lap, like, What on earth? Where did this come from? But you know he's only doing it so he has an excuse to avoid you once you're home. And avoid you he does, the jerk! And because you're a woman and you're all sensitive about others' feelings and all that, you leave him alone and you go surf the web - you're allowed to use the computer, too, dammit! But the hunger pangs eventually get a hold of him. Either that or it's just his clever plan to get you off the computer so he can get back on it, 'cause that's exactly what he does while you're busy doing your kitchen duty of fixing lunch for him and the kids. You eat, and just as you're finishing, he announces that he's going to go check the weather - online. So, he's at the computer for three hours, and he's still not done checking the weather. Did you know it took so long to check the weather? It takes you about two minutes!

Be careful! You're becoming sarcastic. You're so bitter about this whole thing, but there's really nothing you can do, is there? In fact, you don't even know if you would change anything if you could. What you do know is that his idea is to keep you around so you can keep him organized, and keep him company at his convenience. And most of the time, your company is not at all a convenience, because he's perfectly happy working on that mystery "project" in the garage. So what are you going to do? You know you'll eventually have to do something about this because you can't live like this for the rest of your life.

You dread the coming few days. It's the Holidays (yahoo! aren't you over the moon?) and he's off until January 2, by which point, if this trend continues, you'll either be out of your mind or out of your mind. You should've seen the signs and heard the hints - as far back as high school. Shoulda, coulda, woulda, as he'd say. You can only blame yourself. You're the one who let it happen. Christmas is the day after tomorrow and you are not excited. If truth be told, you just want for it all to be over. What's there to celebrate? The fact that you're tied down until January 2 while he's in the garage playing Leonardo da Vinci?

Oh, and, by the way, he just finished his "session" at the computer. Isn't that what you call them to yourself? "Sessions?" And you just watch - he's going to come downstairs and put on a movie. He'll push the "Play" button on that damned remote that he's addicted to like a teething baby is to a pacifier, and then he'll sit back in his leather recliner and spread his legs as wide as they'll go. And if you decide to join him, he'll fall asleep. But if you decide not to join him, he'll watch the movie all the way to the end, and then he'll go back to the "Scenes" menu with his handy dandy remote and watch his favorite parts again. So... you figure you'll just let him enjoy his time alone. He's working so damn hard at ignoring you, you don't want to overly complicate things for him. He's got enough complications with the Vitruvian Man. And anyway, he can go ahead and have himself a good time by himself. Maybe one day it'll be permanent!

So, babe, are you done ranting? Good. Now go make yourself some Tazo Calm.


  1. Could NOT live that way. Horrid! Sadly,though, there are many who do.

  2. Deborah, I wrote this piece because I've noticed that there are so many women who are trapped inside just this type of relationship/situation and don't even realize it. Using the second person voice was my way of passing judgment, making an accusation. I know I shouldn't, but I feel angry and jealous for our gender when I see another woman living this type of life in complete oblivion. I try, always, not to be judgmental. But I am human, and in this situation, I do reserve my right to judge.


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