Monday, December 12, 2011

the elements of fetal

Birth and Rebirth, Jen Otey

i understand, now,
something i have never understood before.
and i just want to close my eyes and breathe again.
i just want to close my eyes.
i just want to close my eyes.
i just need . . .
i just need . . .
out of my heart, i boot one loaded breath.
something inside me is changing.
something inside me is coming alive.
inside my knee, there is a mouth.
inside my stomach, there are two eyes.
inside my throat, there is an ear.
it hears, something inside me is shifting . . .
the geography of me.
something inside . . . be silent, it hears.
but there is no silence in the aliveness of growth.
there is no deafness in movement from here to there.
someone once told me,
it is not the darkness that we fear.
it is the light that terrifies.
but is this a truth, as truths go?
am i afraid of sensory overload?
fragments of me are seeking new homes,
new places to call shelter.
i hunch my back in fear.
hunch?
cave.
cave, as in a primitive place of shelter?
cave, as in bow.
bow, as in something you wear
around your neck or in your hair?
bow, as in curl.
curl?
curl up, fetally.
fetally?
an extension of fetal,
that condition in which we bob, anesthetized.
fetal, what we are before the darkness descends.
fetal, our true shelter, our true home.
fetal? fatal, if not delivered properly.
delivered with decorum,
like that man’s haloed head, delivered on a plate.
plate, as in something you eat from?
plate, as in to cover with a precious element,
to beautify the tarnish and make it glow.
but . . . enough now.
i curl into myself for comfort.
i curl . . .
but even curling is a challenge.
this red tide is turning.
this moon . . . blood-red moon.
pulling my tiny, wrinkled face . . . all eyes . . .
enormous, muddled eyes.
flesh stitching itself over bones.
not enough air.
pulling me into the light.
bringing me inside.
bringing me back to fetal,
where i just need is all i know.

15 comments:

  1. Still the Queen! Ya know, Nevine, what --for me--sets you apart from most? It's your complete, 'cool' command of the poet's communication tool--language...words. Also, no question that you know what you are writing.

    In music, the language is in audible vibrations, tones in notated combinations with juxtaposed rhythms.

    In this piece I enjoyed identifying with many phrases, spiritual experiences, awakenings, e.g., "...it is not the darkness that we fear. it is the light that terrifies." Oh yesss!

    The thought of 'just needing'--searching, searching for that goal. Then...WHAT goal?

    Interesting. I seem to know just what you are saying--without pondering, wondering, as I must with some. Nevine, you are one of those few in that special group of 'few'! Thank you!

    This is my own interpretation, of course--grin!

    PEACE!
    steveroni

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  2. Ah, Nevine, call me as one who reads much between the lines, I read and thought: Maybe Nevine is on her family way. Then I brushed the thought aside. Silly me.
    I like the position of fetal. It is very comforting and cozy. Liked the extended metaphor, dear Nevine. Now, at work, I long to be curled up fetally.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  3. Your posts are fewer these days, but the longer gaps only intensify the words, when they appear. Great to read.

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  4. Hello dear:

    Birthing is not always an easy process.

    Light is nice, it just takes some getting used to in the beginning of the flow.

    Take care and best wishes,
    Mike

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  5. such interesting, profound and original poem!

    love the metaphor here, my dearest, you never fail to amaze me. when i read it loudly it felt like it was flowing in my veins.
    thanks so much for the magical poems you're sharing. i feel so lucky to have "met" you.

    great photo you paired with it.

    big hugs!
    xoxo

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  6. Quite a powerful piece, Nevine. What "I just need" is to know what is now understood, what has caused this regeneration.

    "... no silence in the aliveness of growth." Marvelous.

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  7. La chrysalide veut devenir papillon!
    J'aime beaucoup la façon dont tu éprennes les mots et les idées! J'espère que la naissance de ce beau papillon ne lui sera pas fatal;o)

    ***
    BISOUS ma BELLE amie et à bientôt***

    ps: Mildred viendra bientôt te lire dans TNL;o)

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  8. wowww.. this is a masterpiece!!! You are so good with words and I love the way you hold and blend them together.. collide it together. It rocks!

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  9. Coucou ma belle!
    je suis venue te lire dans TNL!
    Le "dripping awning" m'a rappelé un petit souvenir de cet été quand on est partis dans le Cantal en vacances. On était installés à la terrasse d'un café pour boire un thé et un énorme orage est arrivé. Et tous les clients sont allés se réfugier à l'intérieur et nous on est restés là avec le "awning" qui menaçait de tomber sur notre tête et une rivière qui coulait à nos pieds! Mais on a tenu bon et on a bien rigolé! Hi hi hi;o)

    ***
    Gros bisous tendres et beau dimanche* Donne le bonjour à qui tu sais****

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  10. Another beauty! You have such a way with words.
    We can never go back to that place of safety...

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  11. Coucou Nevine!
    Je viens te remercier pour le plaisir de tes visites et pour tes bons souhaits;o)
    Et je suis bien en peine car je ne sais si tu est croyante, et si tu l'es, quelle est ta religion. J'ai bien honte, mon amie. J'espère que je ne suis pas frappée d'"oblivion". Si oui, j'espère que tu me le pardonneras.
    En tout cas, je te souhaite du fond du cœur une merveilleuse fin d'année entourée de tendresse et d'amour.

    ***
    Gros gros bisous et merci tout plein pour le plaisir de nos échanges tout au long de l'année****

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  12. "there is no deafness in the movement from here to there."

    much is captured in these words...in this poem. the pain, mess and amazement of our growth, our journey.

    Merry Christmas from NC, USA

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  13. One never knows how much they miss the company of a kindred soul until one happens upon them again. Congratulations on your success .. and I so enjoyed revisiting you again.

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Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.