Sunday, October 14, 2012

Distillation, The Third

Self-portrait, Nevine Sultan


Click to read the first and second “Distillation” poems.


* * * * * * * * *

What was it that made you weep,
My Ghost?

My absences were long.
Your eyes were stone.
We were grasping
for elusive lines.

You said,
I am the arrow that struck you
in the heart.
I am the lovemarks that painted
your wrists.

I said,
I am the agitated membrane that,
when split, liberated your defenses,
disarming the chaos inside you.

But I am also your blank page,
My Ghost.

Your truths are inked,
your secrets grafted,
inside my bones.
I see my history
in your eyes.

Why do we spar so?

I said,
I told you truths.

You said,
For honesty’s sake,
I told you lies.

You, My Ghost?

You said,
You made me smile
like no other could.

I said,
You made me cry.

You said,
Forgive me.

And I spread my ribs and
bared the gaping lips of
this wounded vessel.

And leaning into you, I said,
I do not negotiate forgiveness,
My Ghost.
Now, how’s that for honesty?

22 comments:

  1. Talk about raw honesty with oneself. The ability to forgive ourselves is one of the hardest things to do.

    I also love that self-portrait of you. It's beautiful!

    Jai

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    1. Absolutely right, Jai. We are ever challenged to forgive ourselves. We are truly our own worst judges, it seems. The self-portrait was done with some fun with PhotoShop! :-)

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  2. Coucou Nevine!
    C'est un très beau monologue. Une belle joute langagière entre toi et le plus profond de ton être. Et oui, parfois ça fait du bien de se bercer d'histoires et de travestir la vérité. Parfois c'est même salutaire!
    "For honesty's sake, I told you lies!" Elle me plaît beaucoup cette ligne.
    Je suis allée te lire dans TNL, et ça me fait penser à une blogueuse avec qui j'ai échangé des commentaires un peu particuliers dernièrement!
    BISOUS X 1000 et passe une EXCELLENTE semaine, mon amie.
    À bientôt.

    ps: j'espère que tu es moins débordée et que tu peux prendre un peu de temps pour souffler et te faire plaisir. Moi, ce n'est pas parce que je suis débordée que je suis en retard, c'est parce que je suis trop mal organisée!
    Donne un grand bonjour de ma part à l'homme de ta vie;o)

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    1. Merci, Cremilde. Tu es trop gentille, ma belle amie. J'ai ris quand j'ai lu de la blogueuse avec ses commentaires... ouf! Parfois...

      Et... finis, les examens!!! Mais, je crois que j'aie toujours des examens... he he he... :-)

      Merci pour le plaisir de test visites, ma belle, et oui oui oui... je lui dirai!!!

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  3. Dear Nevine, I loved this piece because it was so strange and alien to me. I cannot relate, I don't know what it means. But the atmosphere is so raw, so stark. And at the same time there is so much compassion. Complicity. Come what may, from you I take it. Whoever YOU are. I want to know more, but I clearly can ask no one. Either these answers are inside us or are totally out of reach. I'll keep reaching. I'll keep.

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    1. Dearest Adriana, the truth of the matter is that we can never relate to everything we read. It's just such a pleasure for me that you swing by and read... and sometimes the most enjoyable reading is that with which we don't get emotionally entangled. We can read, observe it from a distance, and enjoy it all the more fully because it is another's experience, and we can see how it unfolds without having a personal emotional reaction.

      The answers are always inside us, in my opinion. Again, that's just my thought...

      Thank you for being the dedicated reader you are, my dear Adriana. :-)

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  4. Coucou ma belle!
    Je viens te remercier pour ta visite. Tu n'as pas besoin de t'excuser. Je sais bien que le temps n'est pas élastique et que le tien est bien précieux en ce moment. Et en conséquence, lorsque tu me fais l'honneur d'une visite le plaisir est d'autant plus grand pour moi.
    Et en ces temps difficiles pour toi, j'espère que tes études te donneront entière satisfaction et que bientôt tu en seras libérée et te sentiras gaie et libre comme un petit pinson.
    Merci encore du fond du coeur. Je t'embrasse bien amicalement et te souhaite une excellente journée.

    ***
    BISOUS et à bientôt, mon amie****

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  5. ...ciao Nevine...un ottimo dialogo riflesso del proprio essere...in ogni caso io penso che alla fine ogni uomo debba fare i conti con una morale imposta da una falsa società, e che ogni suo silente pensiero non possa sfuggire al giudice che presiede il tribunale della nostra coscienza...sempre con ammirazione...

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    1. Grazie, Sergio. Mille grazie! E sono d'accordo con te... al cento per cento! :-)

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  6. dearest nevine,
    deep feelings, deep emotions you express here..

    you truly touched me deep inside, you even have unlocked my soul's door. it's not always easy to forget ourselves, in fact, i think is one of the hardest things to do in life.

    i do love your creative spirit, my sweet friend-poetry can be liberating!

    big massive hugs to you!

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    1. Thank you so much, my dear! I'm delighted by your visit... and so very grateful for your words. It's always a pleasure to know your thoughts... and yes, poetry is so liberating. Big hugs back to you... a thousandfold, Betty!

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  7. "I spread my ribs and bared the gaping lips of this wounded vessel." - damn. such must be the sensual path of entry to a poet's heart. damn.

    "I do not negotiate forgiveness." - tell it, sister.

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    1. The rawness of your reply brought back the raw emotion that went into the creation of this poem, Kim. I am ever thankful for your authenticity... and for your ability to recognize. Thank you, Kim.

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  8. Coucou ma belle!
    Je suis allée te lire dans TNL! Ton texte m'a laissé une drôle d'impression. Je souhaite du fond du coeur que ces larmes aient été des larmes de bonheur*
    Et aurais-je le plaisir de voir ce que tu as peint?
    Merci pour le partage, mon amie. Et merci aussi pour ton petit mot dans mon blog.
    J'espère que tu as passé un superbe weekend et que ta semaine sera encore meilleure et emplie de petits et grands moments de bonheur.

    ***
    Gros bisous X10000 et à bientôt, ma belle Nevine****

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    1. Merci, ma belle, pour toutes tes visites! Tu es une ange... :-) Bisous...

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  9. Une petite visite éclair pour te déposer un BISOU!
    Je te souhaite un merveilleux weekend, ma belle Nevine;o)

    ***
    À bientôt ma Zamie****

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  10. J'aime venir me promener dans ton temple...
    ...et contempler les mots qui composent ses piliers...
    ...et lesquels tu sais si bien organiser dans une architecture merveilleuse!

    **
    GROS BISOUS ma belle Nevine**

    ps: j'espère du fond du coeur que tout va bien chez toi***

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  11. Oui oui oui, on est loin de Sandy!!! Merci, ma belle! T'es adorable!!! :-)

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  12. ...un monologo a due: tu e il tuo fantasma, ma sempre te stessa, con le tue perplessità, verità, dubbi, incertezze e certezze, sicurezze e insicurezze, sogni,speranze,illusioni e disillusioni,tutto ciò che è il tuo essere per esistere...le dualità per vivere...abbraccio...e grazie Nevine per quello che pubblichi...

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Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.