Vanitas

Shadow of a Woman, Megan Headley

Something demands me

From behind that glass.

Longing. Ambition.

Recognition.

perfection

And I just want to stand

Beside myself

For a spell,

To observe myself

From this conventional distance,

To ponder why

I stand like I stand,

To ponder why

I wear what I wear,

To ponder why

I look like I look,

to ponder why

i fear what i fear

But then . . .

how blind, my winged ego!

To learn of these things

I might want

to thieve myself

from this place

To re-enter myself,

To see what I see,

To hear what I hear,

To feel what I feel,

to brutalize

this unutterable numbness

And then to smile,

And maybe to cry,

And maybe . . .

to weave tightropes

between clouds

To ponder why

And how

I am who I am,

i am who i am

To ask every question,

Without pause, without mercy,

And never to find

unbuttoned and

unpainted as i am

The Answer.