Cautious Renaissance

Beata Beatrix by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

I am a fallen angel, struck by

the thunderbolt of wonder and desire,

exiled to a destiny of solitary emancipation.

But, hear me, now:

I am also a woman of truth.

And so, I must, you know . . .

I must transport myself into

a certain willingness that embraces 

this brave new autonomy.

I must enact this deepest form of 

worship that knows not how to ask, 

but only to receive.

I must open, submit . . . believe.

I have wandered in a Dantean limbo

for eternity. And, I have fallen . . . 

risen . . . and fallen again.

I seek the promise of relief.

The sky will soon be evening-gowned 

in black silk and brilliant diamonds.

The oil-smooth river will ripple like mercury

beneath the milky glow of the moon.

The owl will weep once more.

And, I? I will fall 

like a lush tree in a postmodern forest.

who will witness this . . . ?

No one will hear my cries.

And so, I must . . .

I must this rebirth allow.

I must this Self redeem.

Autoethnography

New Nature, Christian Schloe

I do not need to turn and look back.

i have been here before

Some things are

just as they have always been:

The sky is fixed

above the horizon like an

O’Keeffe landscape.

The sun quivers like smoke

inside my eyes.

The dry leaves lie

sporadic and listless

on the ground.

The path follows

a swift meandering line.

I walk. But, now…

i’m so tired of pretending

This is as far as my feet will bring me.

I stand at the water’s edge—a fishhook

smoldering in my hand.

I cast. I bait. I switch.

The fish scatter.

I free my hands from all burden.

My fingers filter the sunlight—hook its

flames in a dance of latitude.

I sketch upon myself a raindrop,

a blade of grass,

a swan.

Bliss weaves my body

with movement and light.

My chest rises like an unbottled cloud.

  

I am twirling,

lifting,

airborne.

Look at me.

Look…

I beseech you.

Double Solstice

Art by Claude Monet

And, now comes the river, rippling 

like cobalt snakes across a

fresco of glistening hills!

Its fragrance parts the crystal breeze.

We lean our heads into its brazen reflection.

We press our fingers against its radiant blur.

now i see you, now i don’t

The birds fall silent—

only for now.

Summer leaps in, dappling 

the air with chirp and blossom.

i close my eyes to see better

We walk to the edge of the water.

my senses grow sharper

We lay our bodies 

upon the grass and drink

deeply from the river’s collarbones.

A cacophony of joy smudges

the air, stirring our lips and eyes.

laughter… oh, laughter!

Behind the river, the sun glows

bone-white and desert-dry.

Revoiced,

we move towards living things.

A New Publication, my PhD, and Other Certainties

La fenêtre sur l île de bréhat, Marc Chagall

It is an honor and a pleasure to announce the publication of two of my poems—“Mutiny” and “Density and Divinity”—in the Summer Issue of Snapdragon: A Journal of Art & Healing.

Both of these poems first appeared right here on Dreams. It has been a while since I submitted any creative writing for review, mainly due to my focus on my dissertation work and clinical papers. My deepest gratitude goes to Kim Williams for the gentle nudge he delivered that sent me spiraling back into the creative writing publication realm. Kim, a tender poet and a warm friend, has a captivating poem published in the same issue. Be sure to head over to Snapdragon: A Journal of Art & Healing to order your copy of the Summer Issue today. You may also elect to order an annual subscription to this very unique journal.

And, since we’re in the celebratory spirit, why not celebrate another extraordinary occasion: I am now officially Dr. Nevine Sultan. :-) 

I defended my dissertation on March 26, 2015. My degree was conferred on May 9, 2015. Going through doctoral studies and writing my dissertation was one of the most profoundly spiritual and metamorphic experiences of my entire life. It was also deeply liberating. To be certain, it was not without its tears. And yet, as I journeyed through that process, I became fiercely intent on uncovering and finding those parts of Her that others had imposed on me, and that I had swallowed whole without a second thought. By the end of that numinous venture (particularly the dissertation phase), everything I envisioned and manifested for myself had unfolded… and, I had distilled what I like to refer to as Nevine Absolue. 

Other wonderful events emerged during the last part of my dissertation work, and continue to evolve! I will not share all of my good news in one swoop; I will write more about those gifts in a later post… soon. ;-) For now, I will just say that the Universe is truly remarkable and filled with effervescent surprises! I will also say that what has already happened is a certainty, while what is to come is almost entirely in the realm of the Unknown. Be that as it may, life never ceases to be colorful and abundant. And yet, healing and empty space are a necessity.

Since May 9, I have been in recovery mode. I have been sleeping, cooking, writing, reading, doing body movement, and practicing meditation on a regular basis. I feel like I am slowly regaining my energy—a new, revitalized form of it—and re-finding myself! I have also been spending some truly rich moments with my husband, who stood by my side unwaveringly throughout my doctoral studies. It has been a restorative time for me (and for us), and I am ever so glad I made the wise decision to slow my pace and take things easy for a while.

In the meantime, during these past few weeks (months, really), Dreams and the naked light have gone largely neglected. While I kept up with my creative writing and expression offline, I elected not to share much of it online due to 1) its exceedingly personal nature, and 2) the fact that I wished to keep myself hermetically sealed within my real-life experience. It is my fervent hope to reconnect with my online presence more unequivocally, in the near future.

And so, without further ado, I will be back soon… with a new poem, or a new short, or something else that is creative and exciting. In the meantime, don’t forget to order your copy of the Summer Issue of Snapdragon: A Journal of Art & Healing. There is so much ease, purity, and splendor of spirit within those pages, and you will not want to miss any of it. 

Slowly, slowly… life opens new windows… and creates space for the advent of new beauty. And what can we do but drink of life’s bounty?!?! Enjoy, and… until soon!

xoxoxo

Nevine