Thursday, December 17, 2009

(i think) I Know



i dare to search
for indisputable answers
in questionable places
i dare to defy my heart
that i might satisfy my mind
i dare to open boxes
mummified in the invasive
odor of age

and so

i go blindly into the jungle
into this place where
(i think) i have found my way
and i am inside this wilderness
and i am with the beasts
and they are with me
but we are not alone

a voyeur hides
awaiting my uncertain pause
awaiting my faltering footstep
awaiting and daring
to speak
at times
with honeyed tone
and haloed behavior
at times
challenging what it is
(i think) i know

and so

i might consider
retracing my footsteps
old and faded as they may be
partly here and partly gone
and from them to learn
the path i should not take

i might consider
trying to discover
the very source of
my ancient sorrows
and from it to water
the plant of my evolution

i might consider
pretending i do not see him
partly hidden and partly visible
though somewhat reticent
this voyeur who would like
to drown me in the honey of his words

i might consider
approaching him and saying that
his means can no more stop me than
a hand can stop a hurricane in its whirl
his means can no more sway me than
a pebble can sway a wave from its crash

his presence need no more
circle and glide
like an insect
trapped
inside the cloistered membrane
of my soul

and this
(i think) i know

and then
possibly

i might consider
slumbering for a spell
plunging into a Small Death
that truth might reveal itself
in the dreams and shadows
that bend my mind
beyond intellect
beyond chance
beyond reason
beyond memory

beyond will
(if such exists)

and then
possibly

i might consider
entertaining this Small Death
that i might trick the Big Sleep

but

i do not consider
i do not speak
i do not execute

instead

i go blindly into the jungle
into this place where
(i think) i have found my way
and i am inside this wilderness
and i am with the beasts
and they are with me
but we are not alone

a voyeur pounces
grasping to verify my misthought
grasping to ensure
my misstep becomes my fall
grasping and daring
to bellow
now
with vibrant timbre
and violent demeanor
now
challenging what it is
(i think) i know

But this
now
I do (I do) know:
Silence is the death knell of
The Lukewarm Straddler,
and Inertia her murderer will be.


29 comments:

  1. Oh Nevine, I know I always gush on about your work, but I hope you know how serious my words are meant to be....this piece, stumbling blindly following the beast....the onlooker...I was there, I am there....your words are a transport...beautiful, haunting, true!

    wonderful
    xoxox

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  2. after all if we open our mind the rest will follow....

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  3. mesmerizing. i've read it several times now, and with each reading, i find new and different layers of meaning in it, and that's the genius of poetry

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  4. She did it, she erased the evil.

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  5. Nevine- hmm. must their be a death? will there be war? Cannot inertia and contemplative silence learn and strengthen eachother? I'm not sure the answer is so obvious. To discover the source of ancient sorrows will mean coming across many more than a simple equation can solve. I'm thinking the cast vast and the plot well veiled. But now that you've chosen a weapon and strategy, you're on their radar. Splendid thought process. ~rick

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  6. Holy shit, Nevine, first read through and as it often is with me, i don't know what the hell you're talking about but i am in. I am buying stock. I'm picking up the keys. It is gorgeously laid. I'll now go back and investigate.

    Wow.
    xo
    erin

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  7. Nevine

    "i dare to defy my heart
    that i might satisfy my mind" This said, we can expect an extraordinary journey through our levels of consciousness, where the only certainty is born out of excruciating tension. Excellent.

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  8. What a voluptuary you are but I dig it for you are a glut for words same as me. Besides you have such a way with words. Very romantic but more than that it is good.
    Warmest regards,
    Simone

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  9. the inability to do is indeed a killer. your words are outstanding!

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  10. Since we see the voyeur and are always at risk of being swayed or knocked-off path, I wonder if we really are immersed in the jungle at all. Like the comfortable paths through a refuge, we see the animals and catch a glimpse of how it must feel, but we aren't really at risk of being consumed. The true jungle, perhaps, is a place where no one can follow.

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  11. Steven - I do know your words are serious, and I do appreciate that - immensely! :-)

    Reaper - You got that right!

    Khulud - Reading poetry is sort of like unraveling a mummy; each unwind of the gauze brings us closer to the truth.

    Suzy - I'm happy you can; sometimes we so want to be heard. :-)

    Secretia - Well, almost, but she still has some work to do.

    Rick - Your comments always leave me thinking and scratching my head - and that's a good thing. The answer might not be so obvious, but I think that sometimes when we do just sit on something and keep thinking and thinking and we're so indecisive and we're so straddling the fence, opportunity does pass us. And I know this has happened to me so many times - I haven't spoken when I should have, or I haven't acted when I should have, and the moment passed and that was the end of that. But then, there's definitely a wisdom in what you say, because nothing in life is so black and white; there is more gray than anything else. So, I do see entirely your reasoning, and I appreciate it, as always. :-)

    Erin - You make me laugh. Your comments are always so honest and bare, and I just love that! ;-)

    Martin - Everything we learn in life does take a journey, it seems, although I often wonder why it has to be that way. I'm still learning...

    Simone - I'm glad you enjoy the words, as do I yours. Feast away!

    Shadow - That's how I feel. Thank you, Shadow. :-)

    Jason - I sort of envisioned this jungle as a place where one cohabitates with the beasts but not with the voyeur. The voyeur is the one who hides. The beasts don't usually hide, except from their predators. Hence "i am with the beasts and they are with me". The biggest fear comes from the ones who hide - always.

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  12. 'i might consider

    entertaining this Small Death

    that i might trick the Big Sleep'

    Isn't there an eternal contradiction between human beings' desire to live forever and ever (even if we harbour that kind of thought unconsciously) and the terrible realisation that this is not to be?

    Marvellous outing as usual.

    Greetings from London.

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  13. Nevine:

    So poignant and so very true. I am glad for the words here and for the time spent reading those words.

    You've got me hooked, Nevine.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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  14. this is the first of your pieces i have read, i think.

    in the first two stanzas i saw and felt a simple romantic pattern and thought "this will be a sweet poem" then the poem turn in structure and tone and became a complex, illusive array of passion - both dangerous and intriguing...

    Thank you. I am undone.

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  15. Sublime poem! And yes, danger is not always where you expect it to be.
    As for going back and undo what has been done, I don't think the result would be better.
    Maybe if you did you wouldn't have the talent of writing and it would be a pity:)

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  16. This was a fascinating read, Nevine. I will have to come back to re-visit to absorb it more fully.

    as always, excellent writing!
    Calli

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  17. Rock on girl! A beautiful inward journey, my kind of poem! Everytime I read something of yours I see a little something of myself contained within. This is no exception. (This I know.)

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  18. Cuban - It appears you got my meaning, as usual. Thank you. :-)

    Susan - Hooked is good. And I am thankful for your visits... always!

    Kim - Welcome! And thank you. And you will probably soon find out that very few pieces of my writing are remotely close to "sweet". I tend toward the darker end of things...

    Cildemer - Danger hides in many disguises. Human beware! Thank you for your nice comment, Cremilde.

    Calli - Thank you, and you may come back whenever you wish! :-)

    Cat - If you see a little something of yourself in everything I write, then I'm just beaming. I try to capture the human spirit, and though we're all different, we're the same on so many levels. And we all experience everything these characters experience, just in varying degrees. So, if you can relate, then yahoo!!! Thank you, Cat.

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  19. Nevine , this one is full of an inventive sentences and massive meaning showing the agony of man to live and follow something true and bright full of light!.
    lots of love
    P.s whenever you get a chance pls fwd your e-mail to me.

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  20. OH MY GOD... Woman I am speechless. You say it all! and so well. I admire your power, your choice of words. Both form and content, just sublime!!
    Loved it and yes. As Calli -will come back and enjoy it again!

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  21. Nevine, I enjoy and respect your work that I actually come here to read. There are ways to analyze structure and form, but I can get forget all of that when I come here because truely powerful emotive work is enough by itself. Thank you for these last few works and sorry to have been away so long but I've been on the trail of Confederate gold.

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  22. Good God! I was halfway to the car when I suddenly realized that I mean to say "I enjoy and respect your work so much that..."

    I was still thinking about your poem as I left the house to drive to the dark part of the city. Amazing what effect you have.

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  23. Your expressions are bold and powerful. That's what it is!

    ;)
    ~Silver

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  24. Hi Nevine I "bumped" into your blog through Betty's wisdom...and I am happy about it. I love poetry and poetic language, I will follow your blog with pleasure. My name is Lorenza, I am Italian living in South Africa since 3 years ago. I write with my soul.
    www.lorenza-pureenergy.blogspot.com

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  25. Betty - And may we all find that light! But what a journey before we get there... usually. :-) Thanks a bunch!

    Dulce - You may come back and enjoy whenever you want, Sweet One! And thank you...

    Rick - You walked all the way back home and went to that trouble? Well, I'm so humbled and I do appreciate it, but I might have gleaned what it was you were trying to say. :-) And a visit from you is always a pleasure, Rick. You do know how much I respect and appreciate both your writing and your insights about writing. And there is no need at all to apologize. We all have real lives, so I do understand.

    Silver - It sounds like you've come to a revelation of sorts. ;-) I appreciate your comment, Silver.

    Lorenza - Welcome! And thanks to Betty I now have the pleasure of knowing both you and your writing. I hope you enjoy your visits here, and I know I will enjoy reading your work. I will be looking forward to the exchanges.

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  26. Hi Nevine, i followed you like a voyeur, like a beast, like the one you were..... watching, being watched....the unwinding, half obscure paths where knowing draws you into its cobwebs!
    tourjours des belles ecritures , subtile....
    bisous!
    col

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  27. Yes, I've come back and keep astonished at your perfect work.
    Lovely, Sweet Nevine

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  28. Craftsman - Où étais-tu? Ça fait longtemps, quoi!!! Mais je suis contente que tu sois revenu. Et super contente que tu m’as suivi dans le “jungle”. Et je souris… Merci, COL. Tu es toujours gentil… et sympa! Gros bisous!!!

    Dulce - Now you're flattering me, but I like flattery just fine! ;-)

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Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.