Thursday, January 21, 2010

white night, scarlet sails


one moment we are sitting

head by head eye by eye
talking about this and that
waiting for the twilit sky
(that we know will not darken)
to darken
and the next moment
you are under

i see you slowly get heavy
i see you gently slip away
and i will follow soon
as i usually do
follow you
broken bones frozen flesh
anesthetized mind
injected with an obscure drug
to inspire a selective amnesia

we lay we sleep we dream
head by head eye by eye

if i reach out i can touch
with dry fingers
with broken bones
if i reach out i can touch
with bruised foot
with frozen flesh

i can touch inside

i can step inside
the elastic plastic dream
i can plunge under
the fluid surface of awareness
and listen to words
spoken in slumber
and listen to the bleeding
of an anguished mind
listen to words streaming
from a ventriloquist throat listen
to what should not be said
to what must not be heard
listen to words that glide
like scarlet sails on a white night
listen to words that come
from lips from face
radiant with truth listen
despite my troubled sleep

listen

and pretend i do not hear

i inhabit
a vagrant delirium
a mouthless telepathy
head to head eye to eye
flat like a blanket
of pointless pentacles
spread upon the eternal twilight
curved like a mass of scarlet sails
painted upon the white night sky
but in this fantasy a crevice
jagged as the mouth of a hidden cave
through which the madness creeps
in this fulcrum a blemish
a scarlet spot upon the white ether
fixed like an exotic butterfly
mounted in a glass box mounted on a wall
fixed like a memory that does not vanish
but always leaves its traces fixed

and like the memory that does not vanish
but always leaves its traces fixed
i am fixed and awaiting
a new feverish rejection
a new delirious confession
i am fixed and awaiting
the collision of blind imaging with
the fragmentation of savage mind
i am fixed and awaiting
the unraveling chemistry of my delusion
the trauma of my expulsion from eden

i am fixed and awaiting
i am fixed and hearing
with the scarlet and salty eyes of my heart
the white and toxic hammer of your dream

46 comments:

  1. hello passional girl !!
    again , you put me inside a tornado as were talking to me ( yeah , i wish ) ....
    you know how to punch ...intencity intencity intencity .
    i love that !!

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  2. I am left in a state of ... I can't even describe it ... I just know I've been profoundly moved, shaken, hypnotized ... shaking my head ... wondering what just happened that left me with my mouth open ....

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  3. My Goddess. You can't help but write the best poem ever, each and every time is better than the last, will it ever end? I hope not.

    I mean, I know the feeling of the illusion of knowing the thoughts, feelings, mind of another. And I know the feeling of that shatter, and the humility of seeing all that reality after all that glorious glorious illusion. I know all of that, I've written countless poems on all of that.

    But when you write about that... in many ways it is such a comfort to read someone elses uncanny ability to read your life and your mind as if it were really you they were writing about. You were born to write. My Goddess...

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  4. *sighs* so much to intake I'm still dazed by it all but,

    "listen to the bleeding of an anguished mind"

    powerful, sometimes I thing it could be me...

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  5. Nevine, it's almost like you were in my mind all night. You are astounding in your ability.
    I'll probably think of this as I fall asleep tonight.

    Secretia

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  6. Its fascinating to imagine sitting in someone's mind and listening and feeling what is going on inside. I guess your post describes that feeling through the medium of words.

    A visual painting in words.

    Adjectives fail me this time. Shall fish for words.

    Passion and love,
    Susan

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  7. Nevine, first time i read that about "plastic" dream and I loved it. "I see you slowly get heavy... I so can relate to that. I know how it feels. You just have awaken so many memmories!!.
    Thanks for your touching and great poem!
    hugsxx

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  8. I need to read this several more times before I can comment properly on it. There's so much to take in I'm overwhelmed. Some of your images struck me hard, like "plastic dream" and "eye to eye" which I think you used twice. "A scarlet spot on the white ether" was very vivid.

    Great work yet again, Nevine.

    Jai

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  9. I could truly spend a lifetime in your words....amazing!

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  10. Nevine

    I have wondered, from time to time, if we have actually achieved immortality within a dreamscape, regularly slipping from our perceived reality, to catch and be caught by, other souls.

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  11. "but in this fantasy a crevice

    jagged as the mouth of a hidden cave

    through which the madness creeps"

    Powerful words... this piece is nothing less than a journey. i must come back and read, again, when i am in the safety of my home and the shadows of my private thoughts

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  12. Your words leave me breathless. The way you articulate emotion and make thoughts tangible is amazing. This was wonderful Nevine.

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  13. dear nevine - again - without words enough - without words!!! magnifique!!!

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  14. schön, stark, great


    Viele Grüße Werner

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  15. Nevine, I love the below. It spoke to me. Thank you for your comment on my most recent post. I'm turning 40 in a few weeks and have been over working every angle of my life, feeling time is passing and I haven't done everything I wanted to do...then I remember to breathe.

    "i see you slowly get heavy
    i see you gently slip away
    and i will follow soon
    as i usually do
    follow you
    broken bones frozen flesh
    anesthetized mind
    injected with an obscure drug
    to inspire a selective amnesia"

    much love

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  16. Caio – I love that “passional girl”! Intensity is the name of the game, dear Caio!

    Judith – I’m speechless at your speechlessness, and at your being moved and shaken, and overall, hypnotized. I’m happy to have taken part in that.

    Cat – I don’t know what to say, again. You always do that to me… you somehow stump me with your words. But I think we both know we come from a common place of being able to see “inside”. And sometimes seeing that can be painful, but it’s always a learning experience, no matter the level of the pain. And I’ll bask in the “My Goddess” for a while, now, my dear… :-)

    Reaper – It could be any one of us, don’t you think?

    Secretia – I hope your mind is not so tortured as this. I hope you can sleep the torture away if it is.

    Susan – Can you imagine if we were actually able to sit inside someone’s head and just observe? What a trip that would be! Words come in second best, but I imagined seeing inside someone’s head through what they said in their sleep, so words it must be…

    Betty – I hope your memories were fond, though I’m not so sure with this poem. Still, I’m smiling that you found something you can relate to, here.

    Jai – Thank you. When I dream I dream vividly, so I tried to bring out that vividness through words. I’m happy it worked!

    Steven - :-)

    Martin – And I often wonder the same, and that is why the dream world is so important to me, and why I’ve dedicated this entire blog to writings that center on dreams and dreaming. Our dreams are definitely more than just what we think them to be, more than just images sparked inside our subconscious minds. There are other dimensions, other realities, definitely. I agree.

    Kim – Aren’t our minds such scary places, sometimes? I know what you mean by “the safety of my home”. I often feel the need for the same when I read. Thank you for the “powerful words”, Kim!

    Mark – Glad to have helped you get there.

    Eva – I’m happy you enjoyed it enough to be breathless. I was a bit breathless writing it… :-)

    Jenean – Merci, ma chère! Je l’apprécie… :-)

    Werner – Vielen Dank! Wish my German was a bit stronger, but that is not the case. I thank you so very much, especially for the “schön”.

    Stacey – I see we’re on the same frequency, then. We can only do so much, why do we drive ourselves so? Thanks for the sweet comment, and… breathe!!!

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  17. For some reason I have a strange urge to watch Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind again. I really like this, almost mind bending. Being John Malkovich too! You're inducing a movie night this weekend.

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  18. My subtitle for this sublime poem is 'the amalgamation of bodies'. And what a post! My God. I can just imagine the 'Whose leg is this?' thoughts and not caring one jot about the answer. The leg is mine, or yours, or ours. It's a beautiful poem. I loved it so much, I have read it a couple of times already. Many thanks.

    Greetings from London.

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  19. wow....i'm nearly speachless. you write so beautifully and leave such vivid images in my mind while reading..
    "but in this fantasy a crevice
    jagged as the mouth of a hidden cave
    through which the madness creeps"
    that was brilliant..

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  20. so this is what its like, intimately knowing another... your words drew me in with the pictures in your mind.

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  21. It's too good to dissect. Your poems are to be experienced, Nevine. Fixed and flying, all at once. Paralyzed in the eye of a hurricane, and wanting the wind to finish its dirty job. The power and vulnerability is all there.

    You write like I imagine you live (or want to live): fearlessly.

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  22. M speechless once again!
    What to say?
    The thoughts just flow so smoothly.
    Feels like I get into the words.
    Just love it Nevine.

    Cheers

    Nuts

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  23. Oh, Nevine this piece brought me right back to that time when I was young and mad in love. I was stupid with want for things ideal but too impatient and far too reckless with my own heart, you know how a girl can often be.
    I love your words. Thanks for sharing them with me.
    Warm regards and a lovely weekend,
    Simone.

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  24. Christopher - Wow! I hope you enjoy your movies. Those are some awesome movies, too! Thank you for the high praise... I appreciate it!

    Cuban - I do love that subtitle. And I'm happy you enjoyed this poem so much. You're always so perceptive, Cuban. ;-)

    Rachel - Welcome, and thank you. I appreciate your comment. I always try to shoot for vivid imagery, so your comment means a great deal.

    Shadow - I fear it's more painful to intimately know someone, but, I tried... you know...

    Sarah - I imagine I want to live fearlessly, just as you imagine it. But I'm too much of a coward, sometimes. I'm trying, though. This blog was my first step at letting go of the inhibitions and being fearless... I'm trying.

    Nipun - I'm happy you enter the world of the words. That's how you feel what I say... Thank you.

    Simone - Young and mad in love... weren't we all? Yes, I know... Thank you for reading and enjoying and going down memory lane... A lovely weekend to you too, Simone!

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  25. You're succeeding. (It took me a lot longer. To try, that is.)

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  26. Nevine- this is a power, a force I don't want. I know too much already. but your writing draws us in. ~rick

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  27. I completely agree with Sara Hina's comment. This is not to be dissected. It is to be experienced.

    A whirlwind of excellence...:)

    Have a great weekend, Nevine!

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  28. Your poem is intensely beautiful and dark all at once. I love it...You are a weaver of words, Nevine!
    I'm pleased to hear you like The Snow Queen story too...I was very happy when I found the old storybook, with the stunning illustrations.
    I agree with you... Good things are worth waiting for!:)
    It was lovely to see you again at my place. I enjoy meeting kindred spirits like youself!
    Have a wonderful weekend sweetie.
    Jo.x

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  29. Sarah - Thank you... that's encouraging. I'm going to keep pushing my own limits... I'll try! :-)

    Rick - You're so damn honest, and I freaking love it! If you don't want it don't take it. But sometimes, Rick, you don't want it and it hits you anyway, that so-called power, doesn't it? Tell me I'm right...

    Calli - Thank you so much, and a beautiful weekend to you, too!

    Jo - I'm enthralled by The Snow Queen. There are a few stories that have stuck inside my system, and will be there forever, and this is one of them, no doubt. I'm happy you enjoyed my poem, Jo. Have a wonderful weekend!

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  30. This is moving and interesting ..a little dark too..

    BM

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  31. I am continually impressed by your poetry. I particularly liked the 'fixed and awaiting' section - gave a good sense of anticipation, almost an unwanted state of anticipation in some ways I felt.

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  32. Nevine, I'm so late getting here... it's been a hard week on the planet ( to quote one of my favorite songwriters ).

    "with the scarlet and salty eyes of my heart
    the white and toxic hammer of your dream"

    When I read lines like this in your work, it's like getting caught and tossed and tumbled by a huge wave, scraped on the sand, gasping for breath, yet exhilarated, close to the intense source of life, that set the blood flowing in our salty hearts...

    I agree with Sarah above, you are succeeding, wonderfully, I for one am glad you got over the fears and came out here into the blogosphere to share your intense, totally intense writing...

    Every time it is like getting dipped in the acid bath of strong emotions... you take us on a roller-coaster ride of considerable proportions, you take us way up high in the air, on the edge of our seats, fearing we may fall out, and it will be a long plummet back down from there...

    Thank you for that, it is good to be shaken a bit from time to time...

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  33. Hi dearest...
    You Queen of my queens > Nevine

    Oh my Goddess... such is death!
    Agony and despair...-yet more life awaits...

    Thanks for coming by
    Taking your advice now! ;)

    Love U 'Linda' Girl

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  34. The way that you write is GREAT! This line near the end changed everything before it.

    "the unraveling chemistry of my delusion
    the trauma of my expulsion from eden"


    I love this work.

    Tom Bailey

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  35. Being Me - Thank you for stopping in and for leaving a comment. I think most of what I write can be classified as "dark".

    Mme. DeFarge - It's definitely unwanted anticipation; it's almost as if she knows what's coming at her. Thank you for the kind comment. :-)

    Owen - You are so kind, and there is no such thing as being late around here. It's better to be late than to not show up, as I did not. But even if you don't show, I know everyone has demands and responsibilities outside of blogging. I mean, life is happening. I had a demanding week at work, and a demanding weekend as well. This is a new week, and hopefully I can have an easier time of it. I'm so happy you stopped in and left me such a nice comment that made me smile. You rock, Owen! I'll be by to visit you; I'm not going to miss another of your posts! :-)

    Dulce - It's good you're taking my advice as I did not practice what I preached. My turn to rest, or try to. Thanks for stopping in, Sweetest!

    Tom - Thank you for your kindness and sweet words. I do appreciate it.

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  36. Nevine:
    1. Was it not the play Macbeth to which you ascribed in regard to the three witches?

    2. And sweet woman, how grateful, thankful I am that you, so well-gifted and talented choose to share your work with us. WE are the receivers of the gifts you send. A "gift" does reqire two, the giver, and the gifted one. We are Soooo fortunate, and thank you Soooo much.

    3. I am lurking, of course, so please do not tell anyone I was here--grin! Or I might be right back where I started from: "Here, There, and Everywhere"...

    4. Thank you big-time for your lovely comment on my final blog posting. I write at least once weekly on The Second Road (TSR) blog page, but it is mostly to do with recovery...in a sometimes humorous manner--of COURSE! LOL!

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  37. You remind us of living between 'illusion' & 'reality'. Beautifully scripted!

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  38. Steve - Oh my God! What a lovely visit, especially because it is so unexpected. And yes, you said the right name of the play. Amongst thespians, the name of the play is cursed and so is never mentioned. And, given that I'm a former thespian, well... you know. And you may lurk whenever you want, and visit whenever you want, and holler whenever you want. You know you are much appreciated. I miss you so much. But I can't be selfish enough as to ask you to come back... you know what is best for you. I'll stop in and see if I can find your posts at TSR; I would love to continue reading from you, no matter the format. And Steve? Here's a big fat hug for you (((((Steve))))). Did you feel that? I hope so. :-)

    Smita - Thank you for that very kind comment, and also for your visit. I hope you will come back for more...

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  39. Just wanted to let you know I have an award for you over at my blog. If your blog is award free or you choose not to participate, no worries - just my way of saying I enjoy your blog!

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  40. Simone - Thank you, and I do accept. The only thing is I don't like to pick and choose blogs to pass the awards on to... it's like picking a favorite child, sort of, if you know what I mean. Just my mind... But I do thank you, yes, for thinking of me. You are a treasure, dear Simone! Have a lovely day. :-)

    Nevine

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  41. Your poems Nevine
    are always devine:)

    Je remercie ma bonne étoile d'avoir permis notre rencontre.
    Même si ce n'est qu'une rencontre virtuelle, elle m'apporte déjà beaucoup:)

    ***
    Des étoiles scintillantes d'admiration
    je laisse*******

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  42. For me, this feels like the moment when we are primed to connect with someome--all pieces needed are there, and yet, right when the spark should happen, it doesn't. In it's absence, both of them sink in a not-so-unexpected disappointment.

    (Somehow, I left this comment on the wrong post. I'm moving it.)

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  43. Crémilde - C'est moi qui te remercie, pour ta gentillesse, et pour ta présence comme toujours. Je suis contente de t'avoir rencontré, aussi - une âme chaleureuse! :-)

    Jason - I was wondering what that was all about; that's why I didn't reply to it. I was like, "Huh?" And I was hoping you swing by again and sort of clarify...

    But you're exactly right, yes. The spark fizzled out, at least for the narrator, upon hearing the voice of the dream. And I imagine it will fizzle out for the other, as well.

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  44. I feel this to be a stream of consciousness of Nevine. There is a lot of wonderful imagery, very profound to say the least. I could be wrong in my interpretation (my brain is on vacation as of late) by I feel a sense of illusory stagnation. However, I find the title to be exotic.

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  45. Sharla - I wrote this as a bit of a streaming exercise, yes. I was sitting there imagining what would happen between two who love one another if one was to listen to the other pour out the contents of his/her dream. And I closed my eyes and imagined it... and it was like it just played out before my eyes... the whole scene. I got the title from the "white nights" phenomenon that happens in siberia and alaska and such places, and the "scarlet sails" come from a festival they have in russia during the season of white nights to celebrate the continuous twilight... although it scares the heck out of me to think it wouldn't get dark for several months. So, it really worked with the nightmarish quality of the feelings that came out in this piece. And hey, thanks again for stopping in. But like I said in the reply to your previous comment, don't push yourself, Sharla. Just visit when you can and don't ever take out a chunk of time that you could be using to study just so you can stop in and drop me a line... ever!!! I'm telling you, woman! Unless you really want to, of course! :-)

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Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.