Saturday, April 3, 2010

hovering in uncertain geometries

"Falling Star" by Witold Pruszkowski

square room
empty space
wooden air
harsh geometry
softened
by fluid exhaustion

i cannot rest tonight
your absence glows in the dark
and there is no sky for me
but the stars fall inside me
and the key in my eyes
is a pandora that
unlocks the hallucinations
one full revolution
to release
one full cloud
of images and words that race
chasing coattails
tempting me to catch them
and assign them
to a particular coordinate point

your warmth was too easy
i needed an ice queen
to chill my soul
with her snowflake hair
and her frosty kisses
and her icy gaze
that pretend symmetry

you sit on the edge of my dreams
and your thoughts
bleed into my head like pigments
running one into the other
jagged lines
rippled by variance
starting everywhere
and going nowhere

i mistook kindness for love
but you unmasked me
            undressed me
and you joined that circle of scoffers
over there
with their scoffing mouths and their scoffing eyes
scoffing at my nakedness

i stumble in shame
there is no need for shame
oh but there is
you have unmasked me
            undressed me
and the circle of scoffers has abandoned me
and now i stand in nakedness
and now they scoff at me

i dream of crying
but the tears reject my eyes
i tremble
suspended in mid-air
like a bird caught
behind a glass window
not knowing where
the transparent rectangle ends
and the open sky begins
you have given me
the keys to a room with no doors
but there is a stale poem
beating like a drum
inside my head
and there are pale squares
where our pictures used to hang
on these unyielding walls

i will color the paleness blue
glide inside it
and fall into the racing sky

a cloud awaits
it is my ship
and in it i will sail
the unnavigated coordinates
of my heart

the atmosphere will bubble
and press upon you and smother you
sending your body in crying whispers
through space
and you will grope in the dark
seeking familiarity

and i will hear the ringing of bells
pounding against my skull
white-hot and ready to incinerate
like a violent flame

i must lay still and allow
i must allow
you must allow
this flame
this flame
to consume

the grieving ghosts will cry and dance
they will dance in the air for me
they will dance and cry
billowing their shrouds about them
in lamentation for the whispered one

i pray there is true water inside
this choppy sea of atmosphere and clouds
i pray a kind constellation will guide you
maybe
perhaps
to a particular coordinate point
where i can pretend i am a star
and twinkle forever in the sky
and twinkle forever in the sky
in a certain coordinate point
a point that will memorize me
a point that will remember me
light years after i have been extinguished
amidst the peals of the ringing bells
and the wails of the grieving ghosts
and the compulsive echo of your voice

51 comments:

  1. This takes me right to that place with you. It is so vivid now!

    Secretia

    ReplyDelete
  2. as secretia said, vivid....I always go on the journey.....breathtaking.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amazing. I don't know how you keep doing it, but you do!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Damn it I wish I could do that.... you are just so talented in your writings

    dont ever get a ice queen, you stay forever hot.....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very vivid indeed. Your words paint a picture that very few have mastered. Never stop writing, ok?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nevine, you got me with this one , I'm not surprised though!
    I am captured by your ability to express so beautifully the feelings,the emotions,the imaginary pictures that you create.
    You're such an amazing poet/writer!!

    And I truly appreciate your precious comments on my blog!:)
    Hope you have a great weekend!
    Big Hugs!
    Betty xx

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a nightmare Nevine! You describe the way we are sometimes dreaming, unpleasant dreams, with uncertain directions or places, a world between two worlds, one unreal and intangible and the other one of flesh and blood. and fears, and ghosts, and flames,...
    Never open Pandora's box. Hope will stay in it.
    You've got such an imagination, and such an inspiration. You seem to draw from an inexhaustible source!
    How talented you are (one more time)!
    Big hugs dear Nevine.
    Marie.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was breathtaking. You use words in a way that makes me feel as though I am hearing them for the first time.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Whenever I read one of your poems I get swept from one beautiful image to another. This in particular struck me: "you absence glows in the dark" and "your thoughts/bleed into my head like pigments". And the ending "where I can pretend I am a star/and twinkle forever in the sky" was so bittersweet.

    I noticed you used a great deal of scientific language here, which worked well with the title and the motifs of stars and constellations and "certain coordinate points". Brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The name of your blog
    Is the wise queen I see in you.

    The title of this post,
    Every single word you select,
    with such wisdom...
    Again, my beautiful queen...
    How can anyone comment on such a piece
    that speaks by itself?
    ...And gives us readers
    the pleasure to get to know
    that writing is the taliking of the mind
    put in order
    even mingled or spread
    put in order-
    from such an intellligent head.

    Only Nevime, my queen could do this...

    I adore your psyche.

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. ...
    This is giant Nevine...
    Simply enormous...
    Your imagined image
    In my mind
    Is growing
    Taking on larger
    And larger proportions
    Like the queen goddess
    Statues of Egyptian ruins
    Towering over our heads
    Your image is filling the sky
    Speaking like an oracle
    Ancient wisdoms
    Whispered
    And I look up
    From far below
    From the point of view
    Of a grain of sand
    At the living statue's toe
    Yes this is powerful
    Like the energy waves
    Let off
    By a super nova
    Out in the deep
    Depths of space
    In the far corners
    Of our minds
    Blinding light
    Lightning flash
    Thunder
    The raw majesty
    Of storms
    What seething
    Storms
    Roil
    Your
    Soul ?

    .

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your writing is always so stunning and I can never come up with words that will do it justice. Just know that I am moved and in awe each time.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nevine,
    Wow wow wow...
    That was beautiful and powerful.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Secretia – A tough place to be, though. Still, we grow from such challenges, no?

    Steven – Thank you for joining me, every time. You’re such a good friend!

    Bard – I sit down and let my mind spew what it wants to spew, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s hit or miss. You probably are familiar with this territory, Bard. We all sort of linger there, sometimes.

    Sir Thomas – I hope I never do turn into an ice queen. Life would be pretty damn boring for me if I did. You make me smile, Sir… :-)

    Gavin – I couldn’t stop writing even if I wanted to. Writing is what keeps my mind from bending the wrong way. I just let it bend for the writing, and then it’s satisfied enough with that taste of insanity to want to go back to normalcy. You’re so sweet, Gavin. Really, you are.

    Betty – And you’re an amazing friend. Thank you for the always kind words, and for the encouragement. And when I comment, I always mean what I say. Big hugs back to you.

    Marie – I don’t think I could’ve described it better. You really understand where I was coming from here, Marie. I really appreciate that you can read into the true meaning of what I sometimes try to say, but am never entirely sure comes across as I mean it. I try not to open Pandora’s box, but you’re a woman, and you know it’s curiosity that brought all of those afflictions. Still, like you said, with the afflictions, there was hope. And I hope my source is truly inexhaustible. Thank you so much, Marie, for your very perceptive reading of my poem, and your words that are always beautiful and sweet. Gros gros bisous, Marie.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Eva – I’m very happy you liked this. And you are no stranger to using words uniquely, yourself.

    Jai – I’ve had this piece punching away inside my head for quite a while. I started to script it when I was thinking about how certain things in life can be very chaotic and disorganized, and how we want for everything to be perfectly laid out for us because that makes us feel accomplished and whole. And the idea of coordinate points just imposed itself upon that picture, along with the stars in the sky and how they appear like a scatter plot, at times, and then at others, like a specific arrangement. And then the words just sort of flowed. I’m so glad you liked it. I was sort of hesitant about it, myself, so the positive feedback is very encouraging. Thank you, Jai.

    Dulce – And I adore you, Sweetest. You make me feel so special, more than just like a queen, if you know what I mean. I just feel good, reading your words. Your visits are so very special, and so very appreciated, dear Dulce. Well, you do know that, don’t you? :-)

    Owen – Oh my, I’m just speechless. You come here and so generously give of your creative mind in my most humble commenting space. Can you even begin to imagine how much I treasure that, Owen? You are such a rare gem, and I know I’ve told you this before. But I truly mean it. I’m so glad to have stumbled upon you, one day, as I was sitting there looking at others’ blogs and admiring their ability to dazzle hundreds without ever having met them. You do this, and then you come here and dazzle me with your always gorgeous words, and you put me over the moon. Really, I don’t know what else to say. I’m a bit tongue-tied. But I think you understand that you are most treasured, Owen. Thank you.

    Deb – Well, I’m thrilled at that comment, and you need say no more. I’m smiling from the inside out. Thank you so much, Deb.

    Pat – I got three wow’s from you, and what more can make a girl happy? Thanks, Pat! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes darling
    I do know that... needless to say... Oh but thank You so very much for praising my admiration for you!

    xoxox ;-)

    I thought you might like this blog:

    http://alexbcegipto.blogspot.com/

    HUGS!

    ReplyDelete
  17. ah yes, to find that fixed star...

    [slight correction, a light year is a measure of distance, not time; ie., how far light travels in one year]

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh dear Vina, I've been away for too long. I can just drink your words. I haven't slept for two days, but still I drink... I will be back tomorrow to drink some more and perhaps even comprehend at a deeper level and will write you a more comprehensive comment then, but I want you to know I am here and I love to come back to this blog, your words.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dulce - You're so amazing! And I will go check out that blog. There's "egipto" in there. Now, that piques my interest!!!

    LW - Oh, I do know that a light year is a measure of distance! You see, I meant it in the sense that if we were stars, our distances from one another would be measured in light years, and even after stars are dead, sometimes they continue to glow from the perspective of other stars, depending on how many light years away they are. It's that old Einstein's relativity theory... ;-)

    Cat - It's so good to see you back! Go chill and then come back. I ain't goin' nowhere! I hope you're feeling refreshed from your time away. Sometimes a break is all we need... :-)

    ReplyDelete
  20. 'bleed into my head like pigments'
    Awesome..
    U took me somewhere else Nevine.
    The use of Mathematical terms in between was a treat to read. I love Maths and now I think I am falling in love with your poems..
    I could never have used such co-ordinates in my work.
    You have given it a new Dimensional Epitome.
    Hugs for u..
    Emotional...:)

    Cheers

    Nuts

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yes, that was exactly the sense I got after I thought about it more deeply - the idea of the emotions being so vast and uneasy and uncertain while at the same time being described in such precise scientific language. The use of coordinate points works so well. I'm glad you took a chance and went with it. The visual of it is brilliant, as I said.

    Jai

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Nevine:

    Shapes, sizes and how! In words and that's so amazing. Absence glowing, tears rejecting -- your images are so fresh and original. The sheer brilliance of the images have struck me and as always, I fall victim (in a nice way).

    You exploit my weakness for images dear Nevine and I am happy to be victimised by your expression.

    'A point that will memorise me'

    A blog which has memorised my presence, I hope.

    Nevine, Nevine, what more to say. My words pale.

    Joy always,
    Susan

    ReplyDelete
  23. Nevine Hi!!!
    Deep is the depth of deep,
    thats the way i have always found when i m next to you.

    Going to places
    unmapped
    trusting your ship of clouds.
    And the spell through which you navigate is both a surprise to you and the one who is on board with you.

    But who can be on board with you but the wind in the ocean of your mind!

    i can only gasp at what you narate....and pretend to go somewhere with you for the first time.

    A virgin,
    in every understaking with you...and in your words such is the thrill.... that i wonder who could dare scoff??

    In my flesh my blood applauds you !!!

    You give me goose bumps and my emotions are but a field of sunflowers....standing with extended arms...catching all the falling stars falling from your skies. Whichever i miss falls in my soul!

    Really really beautiful Nevine !!!

    Your poems erotises everything
    knowingly and unknowingly....

    A tantra to your words with cosmic sex to orgasm...how else can so many falling stars swoon in ecstasy.

    Where you walk it smells so sensual, even in the intellect you make me sniff....you are a rare perfume Nevine!
    please excuse my one track mind ;-)....

    hugs
    Col.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This reminds me so much of an erotically charged rendition of the symphony "The Planets." Lovely work as always, Nevine.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Sometimes with your writing I feel, Nevine, as if I’m in a quantum world where Newtonian laws do not rule. I feel like the observer of a particle experiment whose measurement ends up affecting the particle’s qualities. Reading your poetry is a shared experience between me and the words and sometimes I think we simultaneously affect each other, that the process of reading is a live process somehow. It’s partly the choice of words, partly the rhythm, partly the structure, but there is something transportative always. I don’t know if I’m making any sense to you, but the experience I’m describing rather defies easy explanation. Thank you for generating this experience for me.

    ReplyDelete
  26. "..your thoughts bleed into my head like pigments running one into the other jagged lines
    rippled by variance.." Just one of the highlights on this particular journey. Simply breathtaking.

    ReplyDelete
  27. always a pleasure reading.. especially when one is devoid of some inspiration.

    ~Silver

    ReplyDelete
  28. My god. I mean the thing is, there are so many levels to this poem that it would take weeks to decipher. Walls of consciousness, walls of illusion, separation, out of walls, liquid boundaries, so many metaphors here. I really can't begin to comprehend the levels of this poem and yet it washes over me like a symphony that wants to be played again and again.

    ReplyDelete
  29. A kaleidoscope of words—your prose is eloquently crafted with the compounding reflections of the heart and mind. Nice work.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Nevine, you are truly a constellation.
    For me this speaks of a woman who wants
    to essentially disappear, but not become
    non-existent. Someone who is continually
    haunted by I feel her 'other self'.

    She sits, really lives on the echo of her
    dreams and is haunted by stale poems beating
    like drums inside her head. Love, knowledge,
    her identity hoovers above her head. While
    here 'on earth' she is continually scoffed
    a never-ending play real and imagined.

    Obviously, another of your poems opens up
    my flood gates.
    Nevine you and your talent are a continual amazement.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Nipun – It’s nice to be transported to another place, every so often. I felt transported writing this piece, and I’m happy to hear that you shared the journey with me. I love maths as well, and it was fun to play around with some of the ideas and concepts of geometry for this piece. Thanks for the always kind words, Nipun. :-)

    Jai – Thanks again. I’ll keep experimenting, I guess.

    Susan – Oooooo, I exploit your weakness? But I know what you mean. Sometimes I’m glad to be taken by the hand and led somewhere, a place where I can dream. And trust me, my blog has most definitely memorized your presence, Susan. Of that you can be assured. It’s such a pleasure to have you as a blogging friend!

    COL – Your words are pure poetry, as always. You unfold your thoughts and I appreciate that tremendously. And my ego is pumping like the heart of a person who’s just run a marathon, and even came out the winner. Your so-called one track mind is quite a revelation, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Rick – You always have a different perspective. I never thought “The Planets”, but what an appropriate comparison! An enlightening thought, Rick. Thank you.

    Judy – You are making sense entirely, because what you describe is always how I feel when I write. I feel transported by the thoughts, and maybe that’s why the words come out sounding like my head feels… jumbled… chaotic… otherwordly… You always make me feel so appreciated, Judy. You really do, especially because you always seem to understand exactly where it is I am coming from. That means a lot to me.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Martin – I appreciate that, and thank you for sharing your “highlights”, too.

    Silver – Oh, it’s good to see you here. And I know you’re not devoid of inspiration. We just sometimes stumble against obstacles, but then we walk around them and find new inspiration.

    Unseen Rajasthan – Thank you.

    Cat – Oh my God, you came back! I mean, thank you so so much, Cat. That’s so sweet of you. I’ve been drowning in my heaps of life and trying to find my way out, here. So, thanks for your patience. And how nice you are to leave me comments for my previous posts, too. I saw them on my dashboard but haven’t read them yet. I’ll go back and read them in a few minutes, just as soon as I’m done with this. I’m rambling, here. Just came back from another loooooooong day at work. But it’s really good to see you back, Cat. Really really good…

    Erin – Yes, my writing usually has a bit of both the heart and mind in it… maybe a bit much, actually. But thank you for the nice words, Erin.

    Cynthia – You are right on target with this! You got every bit of what I was talking about, and I’m thrilled to know that. I’m truly smiling inside… :-) Thank you, Cynthia.

    ReplyDelete
  33. From my mind to yours--whispering--Shhhhh: Beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  34. This is so beautiful! I'm so excited that I found your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Oh Nevine, i don't know what to say...i can feel it, I can't quite put them in words..

    You had me here..

    "and your thoughts
    bleed into my head like pigments"

    I love this Nevine.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nevine Im sorry but i need more from you...

    please give...

    ReplyDelete
  37. This beautiful poem is like a roller-coaster ride in the landscape of human feelings. Just wonderful

    XXX

    ReplyDelete
  38. Nev- so much is so familiar
    mistaking kindness for love. oh, yeah
    the wooden air
    the warmth being too easy, needing the ice queen-then paying in hot blood.
    I grasped this in clenched fist and said "fool!!" (to me)
    ~rick

    ReplyDelete
  39. LW - ;-)

    Steve - Thank you. :-)

    Jen - Hello, and thank you. I hope you will come back and visit again.

    Zachary - It's okay. I get tongue-tied sometimes. I'm glad you liked it, though.

    Sir Thomas - You're too sweet. I'll be back soon with something new...

    Lorenza - It sort of felt like a roller coaster writing it, too. I'm happy you enjoyed it.

    Rick - Oh, you're so honest. That's what I love about you, Rick. If you could relate to this, then I'm most flattered because, Rick, you are a true writer of human emotion.

    ReplyDelete
  40. one thing i love about your poetry is how effortless and natural it feels - they roll down the page like water - and you don't pull punches. there's power in that.

    in this, there is a lot of geometry in the beginning - but the cold angles of science seem to give way to the inspiration of art - the pigments, dancing, bells - like that constant battle between head and heart - holding on or letting go - it's just remarkable.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I'm bathing in the Malaysian tropical heat now, but I was missing something like this:

    'your warmth was too easyi needed an ice queento chill my soulwith her snowflake hair and her frosty kissesand her icy gazethat pretend symmetry'

    Greetings from Kuala Lumpur.

    ReplyDelete
  42. i read it for the third time and still can't quite get it. How do you write like this? This is beautiful, mind blowing. I wish i could express myself this way. You know the thing about expressions, you need to convey them to others and i think you actually framed them in our hearts.hmmm..

    ReplyDelete
  43. Nevine, I found your blog via Jai, and am so glad I did. This is absolutely breathtaking. I look forward to reading more of your work.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Joaquin - Your analysis is amazing. It's like you were reading my mind. But you really have a gift for getting to the heart of things, and I have seen this over and over again. So, I'm not surprised. Just feeling really good to be understood, and appreciated. Thank you.

    Cuban - I hope you're enjoying KL; it's a lovely city. And the food!!! Yummy! I have memories. Enjoy as much sun as you can while you're there.

    Zachary - You'e such a flatterer! But thank you. I enjoy being flattered as much as the next person. Glad you enjoyed!

    Deanna - Welcome! And thank you for the very sweet comment. It will be my pleasure to see you here again.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Deanna, one more thing! I forgot to mention, I can't seem to link to a blog from your name. Do you have one, or are you a reader only? If you are a blogger, I would be most interested in exploring your site.

    ReplyDelete
  46. i'm late to the party. i missed the RSS update...

    anyway. WOW! at first reading this was too much - it darts and changes: rhythms, images, metaphors... like a dream state.

    so wonderful to read you again.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Kim, no such thing as being late around here, ever! And thank you for leaving such a sweet comment. I really, truly appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. 100 percent awesome. I like the assigning of coordinate points to probability.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Mark - Thanks for going back and reading. And yeah, I wanted to experiment with a little math and poetry. Two of my favorite things... Glad you liked it!

    ReplyDelete

Your thoughts are deeply appreciated.